Dating, online dating, Relationships, Superheroes, Uncategorized

I Need a Hero: Deadpool vs Superman

Age 23 – 27: The years following Uni are filled with uncertainty and panic. Everyone around you is married and you still don’t know if you didn’t get a text back from the guy you matched with because what you said was too kinky, or not kinky enough. Fear not, there are two heroes that are made for this period: F-buddy Vs Gym Bunny.

Deadpool

Real name: Wade Wilson

Height: 6 ft 2

Weight: 210 lbs

Age: 27

Build: Perfect

Typical attire: If you haven’t seen the film you won’t know this, but he has no skin, anywhere… As a result he is usually in a skintight bodysuit.

Powers: Superhuman regenerative abilities, so he can heal and regenerate damaged or destroyed limbs.

Day job: Mercenary, soldier, assassin

Temperament: Goofy with a hint of psycho

Intelligence: High school drop out who tends to use violence over logic

Backstory: Wade Wilson had a troubled upbringing, his mother died of cancer and his father was an abusive drunk. After dropping out of high school he carried out a short stint with the military service, only to use his skills as an assassin later on. Even before he gained his powers Wilson was a anti-hero, beating up bad guys for sweet girls and money.

Deadpool is the cocky guy that you encounter at a bar, he’d insult you, tell you he’s met rocks more interesting than you and make you slap him in the face. Yet, somehow, you’d still end up going home with him, or more realistically, down a back alleyway. You’d get swept up in the drama, his ‘no fucks given’ attitude and wicked sense of humour is infectious. This is the guy you get drunk and have freaky weird sex with, he is the perfect bootycall and possibly riddled with STI’s – so play safe.

Your romance (if you can call it that) would be short lived and possibly end with you doing one of two things: trying desperately to turn your hook ups into day dates (sneaky, seeing him broad daylight won’t make it any less of a situationship) OR you’d naturally drift apart. Him to the next adrenaline fused fight and crazy hot girl and you to a slightly more PG partner.

 

Superman

Real name: Clark Kent

Height: 6ft 3

Weight: 235lbs

Age: 27 

Build: Broad shouldered, tall and toned

Typical attire: Slim fit khakis, thick rimmed Ray Ban reading glasses and perfectly coiffed hair

Powers: Super-everything:

  • Superhuman strength
  • Superhuman speed
  • Superhuman vision (including X-ray, microscopic, telescopic, and infrared)
  • Superhuman hearing
  • Invulnerability
  • Heat vision
  • Flight
  • Super breath (also freeze breath)

Day job: Journalist

Temperament: Super-sweet

Intelligence: Surely the geek chic glasses are an indication…

Backstory:

So, technically, Clark Kent is an alien… I too am having visions of face huggers running across the floor but he’s not that kind of alien. Born on the planet Krypton, he was rocketed to earth in a bid to save his life when his home was destroyed, he was found and adopted by a farmer and his wife in Kansas where he grew up.

Being raised in such a humble setting Kent was a quiet boy, always helping on the farm and did his homework on time, he would have been the model son. Knowing what he was capable of and where he came from he would have worked doubly hard to go unnoticed, let’s be honest, you wouldn’t look twice at a 6ft 3 stud with green eyes and dark hair. Sounds like an absolute beast.

Compared to Deadpool, I imagine you’d meet a bespectacled Clark Kent under less seedy circumstances, maybe in a library researching his next article or in Waitrose picking a pack of quinoa. After exchanging a few shy glances, he’d take a few uncertain steps in your direction, remember that he is responsible for saving all of mankind, and quickly retreat. So inevitably, being the 21st century forward-thinking woman you are, you instigate conversation. He’d laugh at your bad avocado joke (guacward) and you’d suggest continuing your scintillating salad chat over a coffee, the next few hours would be filled with cute conversation where you’d laugh too hard and use the opportunity to not-so-slyly touch his arms. Regardless of the clear attraction Kent would not have it in him to pursue a long-term relationship, his strong moral compass would take over and reason would lead him away from a happily ever after and back to planet Krypton.

Even if everyone around is married and has 2.5 children by the time they are 27 it doesn’t mean you have to be too. These guys are either too damaged or too busy saving lives to think about the prospect of a family right now so they are perfect for that ‘I don’t really know what I’m doing’ phase. Neither one of them float my boat, Superman is just too… Clean. I love a good looking man as much as the next woman, but he’s too pretty. Whereas Deadpool is just too… Dirty. Physically, he’s pretty special, and yes, I can look past the lack of skin, but back alleys aren’t really my thing.

Captain America and Thor take centre stage next time (I hope you’re all as excited as I am).

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Dating, Uncategorized

All the Single Ladies

That time of year is upon us once again, everywhere you turn there are hearts and flowers, lip shaped chocolates and overly priced cards. Valentine’s Day. The one and only day in the year that you can express any romantic intentions to the object of your desire, I could delve into the reasons why I am not a fan of this day, I could point out that the origin has little to do with romance, I could go on about how it is a waste of money… But I won’t.

Valentines day may be a day for the lovers but that doesn’t mean the single people out there do not exist and cannot enjoy themselves also. 

  1. Buy yourself some sexy undies – Who says that a guy has to be the one to buy you something hot? If you’ve already got a little collection wear something from it! Don’t let it sit in your underwear drawer rotting while you don your Bridget Jones blanket, if you feel sexy you will ooze confidence, and there is nothing hotter than a confident woman.
  2. Run yourself a bubble bath – For some it’s a bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine, for others its day at the salon getting your hair and nails done, whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed do it. And no, you can’t go and egg the house of the boy that won’t call you back, that may feel like a release but it will not relax you.
  3. Give someone else a gift – There is something deeply satisfying about giving someone a gift. Think of the people you have in your life, who has been there for you? Who is down at the moment and could do with some cheering up? 
  4. Go out – Get your single friends, get dressed up and go out. Valentines day falls on Sunday this year so go out the night before and spend the next day hung over and in your PJ’s with your friends re-hashing what happened the night before. Who knows, you might find someone special while you’re out and about.
  5. Gift yourself – Have you wanted a new pair of shoes? Maybe you’ve been eyeing a really expensive perfume lately, go get it. Treat yourself because you can and you don’t need someone else to do it for you.

Remember, it is just another day in the year but if you feel like you can’t treat it as such focus your energy elsewhere, whether that is on someone else or making yourself feel good. If all else fails do like Beyonce and dance around the room in a leotard to empowering songs about rocking your own shit.

singleladies

S x

 

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