Dating, Tinder

Tinder Trauma – Once Burnt…

Jacob had been single for a few months when he decided to join Tinder, like most guys in their early 20’s he had a busy work and social life, so his methods for meeting girls was pretty limited. Having been on a few dates already when he came across Gemma he had no qualms about speaking to her or meeting her a few days after they matched.

A sales assistant in the local shopping center, she seemed like a quiet, down to earth, slightly shy girl, in spite of the “slightly provocative photos” used on her Tinder profile. The first few weeks flew by in a honeymoon tinted blur as they drifted into what seemed like a fairly happy relationship.

On a night out her phone was stolen and naturally she was very distressed as there was a lot of personal information on it so Jacob offered her an old phone to use temporarily. Now, there are some guys out there who often go one step further when trying to help a damsel in distress and Jacob is no exception. A week later he offered to help her pay for half of a new phone, under the stipulation that she would pay him back later or over time.

Ladies, imagine this, you’ve gone on an app with a slightly seedy reputation yet you’ve met a guy who barely knows you but is willing to pay £500 towards a new phone for you, surely you would appreciate his kindness and want to express your gratitude in any way possible. So if I told you that Gemma was posting half naked pictures of herself on Facebook and Instagram which Jacob was uncomfortable with you would assume that she heard him out right? Instead of trying to understand why the guy she was seeing didn’t like her pictures she got agitated with him and refused to change for anyone. Guys, how would you feel if every time you were on Facebook you saw one of the locals asking your girlfriend to sleep with him and send personal pictures? Or what if she was really cagey about her phone when you were with her and she was incredibly close to a guy who would often visit her in the evening, you’d get suspicious wouldn’t you?

One night she told Jacob that her friend wanted her to help out with the promo for a club in London, he didn’t think anything of it, especially as she was continuing to message him hourly. At around four a.m. she called him to say that her drink had been spiked and she was coming home, he told her that he would meet her at her house so he could look after her. When Jacob arrived “it was clear that something was up, she was acting very weirdly and was clearly intoxicated” at one point, whilst looking for a hairclip, she emptied the contents of her bag and out fell lingerie and condoms. Obviously shocked, Jacob asked what happened, she fobbed him off with a lame story about how some guys followed her and her friend back to a hotel room and they must have spiked her drink before falling asleep. At this point Jacob had  had enough of the half truths so he did what anyone would do in this situation, he went through her phone. I could go off on a tangent about the ethics of going through someone’s phone but that is a whole different blog topic, however, I will say this, if your partner feels the need to check on who you are talking to you need to ask yourself why. As expected, Jacob found that she had actually been messaging a guy about coming to his hotel room and partying with him and his friends in exchange for money. There were also numerous videos and pictures of her having sex with other men and messages exchanging these videos, all of which took place whilst Jacob was seeing her. When he tried to confront her she became incredibly aggressive so he left, since then he has received threatening text messages from her and her male friends, accusing him of stealing her wedding ring, which is probably a ploy to avoid paying him the £500 she owes him for her phone.

Jacob didn’t share his story to prove that Tinder is a bad dating choice, this situation could have happened if they met in a club or on the street, rather, the moral to this story is listen to your gut and pay attention to the warning signs. A girl can be hot without using racy pictures to get your attention, when you are uncomfortable about the kind of attention she is attracting she will do something about it if she is a genuine person and anyone who lets you give them £500 after a few weeks of knowing them is shady in my eyes.

You live and you learn, at least I’m still trying to…

S x

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Blogging, Dating, Tinder

Tinder Traumas – Your Stories

Foot Fetish

“Let me tell you about the guy who had the foot fetish. This weirdo wanted to meet me to rub my feet and massage them. He then proceeded to tell me that he wants to lick them dirty or clean. I told him I had a lot of toe jam, he didn’t seem to mind and wanted to touch them anyways. I told him I would run my feet all over him, thinking he was kidding, but he sure wasn’t. He really wanted to love them. Then he tells me that he wants F them… what the heck! It reached the point I told him he was sick and had to go.” – With love from Canada x

Sharing is Caring 

Living in a shared house can be taxing at times, especially when you don’t get on with your housemates. Once you have all bonded life is a little easier, you take it in turns to buy toilet paper, you share your cutlery and ice cream, I used to spend evenings watching Sex & The City with my housemate, well, she watched whilst I painted my nails. 

Over in Thailand, Meg* met a guy through Tinder, they hooked up but it didn’t really go anywhere, imagine her surprise when a few weeks later she bumped into the same guy who her housemate had hooked up with (also via Tinder) on her way to the bathroom! As if that wasn’t awkward enough Casanova did the only thing any red blooded male would do in that situation, he suggested a threesome. I think it’s safe to say he didn’t visit that house again! (Surely he would have got a sense of deja vu when he walked in…)

Doctor of Love

Back on our side of the pond, Phoebe had matched with a guy and even though he had messaged her she hadn’t got back to him yet. At the doctor surgery, she was told that her usual GP was unavailable and she would have to see Dr Smith, you guessed it, Dr  Smith was her recent match that she had ignored. Neither one mentioned that they recognized each other, probably something to do with doctor patient confidentiality…

Looks can be deceiving

During my short stint on Tinder I found that even though a guy would have about 5 photos he only looked like the same person in 2, I put it down to lighting but still swiped left. One evening I got the following text message: “While flicking through it with Lee one day he showed me this amazingly beautiful girl with killer cheekbones and glamour girl boobs, I was like wow she is amazing, then he pointed to her name! It was only… from… Now I’m not saying she’s not pretty but it would be like expecting to meet up with Angelina Jolie and getting Abi Branning. So forever more that shot down our faith that anyone looks like they actually say on Tinder!!”. 

We are forever learning that it is a very small world so you don’t know when or where you may bump into a fellow swiper, for about 2 weeks I was genuinely paranoid that any man that looked at my face for that split second longer had seen me on Tinder. My GP is female, I have no housemates, I hate when ANYONE touches or even looks at my feet and I no longer use the app so no one can accuse me of not looking like me on purpose (unless you’re on my Instagram, then I can’t make any promises). I’m safe from the Tinder drama’s but I’ll share yours, if you’ll let me, keep an eye out for a success story.

S x

*All names have been changed or not shared to protect the participants anonymity 

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Advice, Life Lessons

Quarter Life Crisis??

Being in the middle of something that feels difficult or overwhelming can make you question yourself and the choices you have made. But once you’re on the other side ask yourself

“was that an actual crisis or was it just par for the course?”

I have asked a few people to share what they have learnt  in their 20’s, this is the first segment in the series, every few weeks there will be another 5 lessons so please feel free to submit your own thoughts or questions and I will be happy to add them to a future post.

1. Alcohol is not your friend (it’s definitely not mine) – I love a well made cocktail, wine makes me crazy and shots make me dance like Beyonce (at least that’s what I think at the time). I am untouchable, sassy and I think I can take anyone, so surely alcohol is my BFF right? Hell. No. I don’t know what happened, but as soon as I hit 25 and, I don’t know 3 months? That was it, I suddenly started having the worst hangovers. I didn’t even get a warning, it was a full on, death. And the worst part? No one sympathizes with you!! My mother? My sisters? My boyfriend??? They all say “this is self inflicted”, but it’s really not! I can’t help it if my friends keep giving me drinks! Saying no is so hard! Lesson – Drink lots of water in between your drinks and eat before you party. If you want to get drunk that’s on you but to avoid feeling like your never gonna be OK again line your stomach and hydrate! And maybe trade your family and partner in for a nicer bunch…

2. Not everyone will like you – You could be the friendliest person in the world with the best intentions, but you can’t win everyone over and that’s OK. I’d like to think I’m quite nice to anyone that I meet, but as I’ve gotten older I have recognized a slight look of indifference when speaking to someone, me being me I question what it is that I’ve done, how have I offended them? I used to spend so much time fretting about why someone didn’t like me, especially if they hadn’t got to know me and vice versa but now I really don’t care. Lesson – If someone has decided they don’t like you you cannot change their mind, and why should you? As long as you have people that care about you and you stay away from those that don’t there will be minimal drama.

3. You can’t be Friends With Benefits and not catch feelings – (I feel like this is a whole post to itself… But I’ll keep this short). For now I speak solely for women, we are not programmed to be physically intimate with someone without the emotional attachments that are naturally formed during sex. No matter how many rules are put in place you cannot control your feelings, and if you really think about it, do you want to? You’ve agreed to this arrangement because you enjoy this persons physique and (maybe even) their personality, so why go through the rigmarole of lying to yourself? It’s like the total opposite of having your cake and eating it, sure lick the icing, hell you can sniff it but don’t you dare go falling head over heels for it! That. Is. Against. The. Rules!!!! You tell someone they can’t have something they are gonna want it even more. I genuinely want to know what the guys out there feel about the FWB arrangement…? Lesson – As there is so much more that can be said on this topic I’ll leave you to ponder on this… For now.

4. You won’t die from heartache

This was so hard to get your head around, it still is. A break up. Will. Not. Kill. You. Yes, it may crush you and yes you may feel like you don’t want to eat, shower, see the light of day ever again. But one day you will get up and that person will not be the first thing on your mind. By the time you are in your mid 20’s you have work, family and friends to occupy you, the emotional trauma of a heartbreak will be devastating in that moment and for a while after, but it is not eternal. Lesson – Surround yourself with people and activities that will keep you busy, but only after you have really given yourself time to mourn the relationship.

5. Trim the fat – Work, school, friends of friends, there are so many ways in which we meet people, or rather collect them, look at your Facebook friend list for example, that is a pretty good indication of who you have met in the last 10 years. Now how many of those people do you actively talk to? At some point you stop trying to accumulate people and you start to invest in the people that are there through the good and bad, as cliched as it sounds. Lesson – Recognizing who means the most to you and nurturing those relationships will lead to a simpler, fuller and happier life.

Remember you can get involved by submitting your own experiences.

To be continued…

S x

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