Dating, online dating, Relationships, Superheroes, Uncategorized

I Need a Hero: Deadpool vs Superman

Age 23 – 27: The years following Uni are filled with uncertainty and panic. Everyone around you is married and you still don’t know if you didn’t get a text back from the guy you matched with because what you said was too kinky, or not kinky enough. Fear not, there are two heroes that are made for this period: F-buddy Vs Gym Bunny.

Deadpool

Real name: Wade Wilson

Height: 6 ft 2

Weight: 210 lbs

Age: 27

Build: Perfect

Typical attire: If you haven’t seen the film you won’t know this, but he has no skin, anywhere… As a result he is usually in a skintight bodysuit.

Powers: Superhuman regenerative abilities, so he can heal and regenerate damaged or destroyed limbs.

Day job: Mercenary, soldier, assassin

Temperament: Goofy with a hint of psycho

Intelligence: High school drop out who tends to use violence over logic

Backstory: Wade Wilson had a troubled upbringing, his mother died of cancer and his father was an abusive drunk. After dropping out of high school he carried out a short stint with the military service, only to use his skills as an assassin later on. Even before he gained his powers Wilson was a anti-hero, beating up bad guys for sweet girls and money.

Deadpool is the cocky guy that you encounter at a bar, he’d insult you, tell you he’s met rocks more interesting than you and make you slap him in the face. Yet, somehow, you’d still end up going home with him, or more realistically, down a back alleyway. You’d get swept up in the drama, his ‘no fucks given’ attitude and wicked sense of humour is infectious. This is the guy you get drunk and have freaky weird sex with, he is the perfect bootycall and possibly riddled with STI’s – so play safe.

Your romance (if you can call it that) would be short lived and possibly end with you doing one of two things: trying desperately to turn your hook ups into day dates (sneaky, seeing him broad daylight won’t make it any less of a situationship) OR you’d naturally drift apart. Him to the next adrenaline fused fight and crazy hot girl and you to a slightly more PG partner.

 

Superman

Real name: Clark Kent

Height: 6ft 3

Weight: 235lbs

Age: 27 

Build: Broad shouldered, tall and toned

Typical attire: Slim fit khakis, thick rimmed Ray Ban reading glasses and perfectly coiffed hair

Powers: Super-everything:

  • Superhuman strength
  • Superhuman speed
  • Superhuman vision (including X-ray, microscopic, telescopic, and infrared)
  • Superhuman hearing
  • Invulnerability
  • Heat vision
  • Flight
  • Super breath (also freeze breath)

Day job: Journalist

Temperament: Super-sweet

Intelligence: Surely the geek chic glasses are an indication…

Backstory:

So, technically, Clark Kent is an alien… I too am having visions of face huggers running across the floor but he’s not that kind of alien. Born on the planet Krypton, he was rocketed to earth in a bid to save his life when his home was destroyed, he was found and adopted by a farmer and his wife in Kansas where he grew up.

Being raised in such a humble setting Kent was a quiet boy, always helping on the farm and did his homework on time, he would have been the model son. Knowing what he was capable of and where he came from he would have worked doubly hard to go unnoticed, let’s be honest, you wouldn’t look twice at a 6ft 3 stud with green eyes and dark hair. Sounds like an absolute beast.

Compared to Deadpool, I imagine you’d meet a bespectacled Clark Kent under less seedy circumstances, maybe in a library researching his next article or in Waitrose picking a pack of quinoa. After exchanging a few shy glances, he’d take a few uncertain steps in your direction, remember that he is responsible for saving all of mankind, and quickly retreat. So inevitably, being the 21st century forward-thinking woman you are, you instigate conversation. He’d laugh at your bad avocado joke (guacward) and you’d suggest continuing your scintillating salad chat over a coffee, the next few hours would be filled with cute conversation where you’d laugh too hard and use the opportunity to not-so-slyly touch his arms. Regardless of the clear attraction Kent would not have it in him to pursue a long-term relationship, his strong moral compass would take over and reason would lead him away from a happily ever after and back to planet Krypton.

Even if everyone around is married and has 2.5 children by the time they are 27 it doesn’t mean you have to be too. These guys are either too damaged or too busy saving lives to think about the prospect of a family right now so they are perfect for that ‘I don’t really know what I’m doing’ phase. Neither one of them float my boat, Superman is just too… Clean. I love a good looking man as much as the next woman, but he’s too pretty. Whereas Deadpool is just too… Dirty. Physically, he’s pretty special, and yes, I can look past the lack of skin, but back alleys aren’t really my thing.

Captain America and Thor take centre stage next time (I hope you’re all as excited as I am).

S x

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Advice, Dating, Rebound, Uncategorized

Rules of a Rebound

Just to be clear, this post is in no way sports related.

Have you noticed how, as soon as you miss your ex even a little bit everyone tells you “you need to move on”? I couldn’t agree more but that phrase is usually followed by “get under to get over” and a suggestive wink. As much as I like to watch the awkward faces people make when trying to execute the perfect wink (try it) I’m not a fan of using another person as my emotional mop.

A rebound is, to put it bluntly,

“a crutch to soften the emotional blow of a breakup”. 

I personally wouldn’t go down the rebound route, I’m more of a ‘time and wine will heal all things’ kind of girl, but I’m also realistic. In light of the dating world we are a part of, and the fact that dating apps and social media literally throw beautiful people at us 24/7, I feel it is only fair that some ground rules are applied if/when you choose to pick a rebound partner. These apply to both the rebounder and the reboundee (I’m making it a word).

1. Set an expectation

  • Do make yourself clear from the beginning. Men tend to prefer a straightforward woman and women are less likely to go psycho/bunny boiler if they know where they stand. Also, you are giving that person the chance to decide whether they want to get on board or not.
  • Don’t spend too much time together. Talking all day, seeing each other every night puts you at risk of actually falling for this person, if that’s something you’re open to great! If not, put some distance between you and respect the boundaries.
  • Do keep some mystery. It’s so easy to vent to or share your personal information with the person you’re romantically involved with, avoid confusion and stick to flirting and light-hearted dates.
  • Don’t expect this to be more than it is. 

2. Choose wisely!

  • Don’t date an ex, why take 10 steps back when you want to move forward?
  • Don’t date someone YOU like, post breakup you’re a mess, you’re hurting, you’re selfish and chances are you’re not in a position to give someone else the best version of you.
  • Don’t date someone who LIKES YOU.

3. Mix it up

  • Do date outside your ‘type’, you may not have a type but at least try avoiding a carbon copy of your ex, you don’t want a Ross V Russ situation. (Yes, that was a F.R.I.E.N.D.S reference)
  • Do avoid places you went with your ex. 

4. Rules of thumb

  • Don’t introduce them to your friends, especially if this is a short-term situation.
  • Do make sure you are ready. Of course, the only way to really know is to get back out there but if you find yourself crying mid-fumble then a) you’re really not ready and b) you’ve probably emotionally scarred the other person.
  • Don’t tell everyone and their mother! Firstly, because everyone has an opinion and that could complicate a simple situation. And secondly, you don’t want to have that awkward conversation where you explain that the guy/girl you were mad about last week is no more about 20 times. Telling your cat was hard enough!

I’m not saying that these rules will stop you from getting hurt or hurting someone else, that’s part and parcel of 21st century dating, but an honest conversation and realistic expectations will go a long way.

S x

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Blogging, Dating, Spider-man, Superheroes, Uncategorized, Wolverine

I Need a Hero!

Work is much more interesting when you get along with your colleagues, you share anecdotes about your weekend, exchange recipes for healthy living and debate who would be better in a relationship, Captain America or Thor. One Tuesday morning I found myself seriously struggling with this decision, my colleague and I came to the conclusion that it’s more about where you are in your life than who you fancy (both of them, I fancy both of them).

“I Need a Hero” is a series of posts dedicated to the various stages in your life, from your Uni years to the successful career-oriented woman. I will attempt to find the right superheros for each phase and present you with my idea of what a relationship with them would look like, you will be given their dating stats and a brief summary of how you’d meet. Almost like a battle of the fittest, only it has little to do with actual fitness…

*Disclaimer: I am not a superhero/Marvel/ Justice League/Avengers expert, I am merely a woman who enjoys action filled films with men in tight outfits. If my “facts” are incorrect I accept any criticism or correction. Enjoy!

Early 20’s/ Uni years: You could be in full-time education or working  a 9-5, chances are, you go out every weekend and cry about boys just as much as any 20 year old. Being away from the social stigmas created in school your idea of what is attractive may change, (drastically) you may even find yourself on either end of a very strange spectrum: Geeky Boy Vs Dad Complex. Hear me out, going out with what was considered a “geek” was frowned upon in school and sadly you may have cared too much what other people thought, same can be said about dating someone considerably older. Now, in the judgement free period of your 20’s you can do what you like with who you like.

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Who even writes a report in this position??

Based on the above information, I felt that Spider-man and Wolverine were the best contenders.

Spider-man 

Real name: Peter Parker

Height: 5 ft 10

Weight: 11 st 7

Age: for the purpose of this post 21

Build: slim/athletic (think gymnast).

Typical attire: slim jeans, a graphic tee with an open checked shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, a pair of converse and a pair of glasses.

Powers: superhuman strength and reflexes, able to lift more than 12 tonnes, all of his senses are incredibly heightened, makes his own super strong webs.

Day job: Photographer.

Temperament: mild-mannered, sweet, can be playful when he is comfortable with you, but if you’re going by the films he’s far cheekier when he’s not played by Toby McGuire.

Intelligence: academically gifted.

Backstory: Orphaned at a young age Peter Parker was raised by his elderly aunt and uncle, he was clumsy and the epitome of geek. His bad eyesight and shyness meant he was considered the bottom of the high school food chain. On a school trip one day he was bitten by a radioactive spider, hence his spider-like abilities, he soon discovered he could see and became hot overnight (because taking your glasses off automatically makes you hot?!). Being the intelligent young man he is, he didn’t shed his shy boy demeanor overnight, rather he kept his usual appearance up to mask his heroic activities.

Peter Parker aka Spider-man was the smart boy you sat next to when you were given assigned seating in science. Whether you want to admit it or not at some point you developed a crush on him, his intelligence and shyness drew you in and you scribbled his name in the back of your notebook when you thought no one was watching. You realise you fancy him so you stage a study session before a big exam, when you’re a  little high on red bull and sweets you blurt out that you like him and you share a rather cute, slightly awkward, first kiss.

All soft and sweet, Spider-man looks at you like you are the only girl in the world, he buys you milkshakes when you are sad and sends you messages riddled with emojis. He will teach you things that seem trivial to most, but looking at his excited face while he explains ionising radiation makes your heart hurt. Possibly the nicest guy you will ever meet (for at least the next three years) alas, either you will outgrow him or he will get overwhelmed with hiding who he is and what he does and you will get hurt. And when I say “hurt” I mean he has to choose between saving you and stopping a giant building from falling and killing hundreds of other people, so you die and he’s heartbroken for the rest of his life.

Wolverine

Real name: James Howlett AKA Logan

Height:5 ft 3 – According to the comic, but Hugh Jackman is 6 ft 1.

Weight: 14 st

Age: over a century old but looks like he’s in his late 30’s.

Build: stocky, yet lean and incredibly toned for a man his age.

Typical attire: bootcut jeans, heavy steel-cap boots, a white vest and a leather jacket.

Powers: natural healing powers, six retractable claws (three in each hand), enhanced agility and reflexes.

Day job: Lumberjack.

Temperament: hot tempered (don’t piss him off), a man’s man and very hard to read.

Intelligence: Over a century old… He’ll know a few things.

Backstory: Wolverine, ever the man of mystery, has several stories about his past but we’ll go with this one for now. A mutant whose abilities became present when his biological father attacked and killed Wolverine’s brother, he in turn killed his father ( I couldn’t make this up!). He went on to enlist in World Wars I and II, later, he becomes part of the CIA before being recruited by Team X, a black ops unit. He is chipped so they can control him mentally and is used for testing for several years. Eventually he breaks free and is pretty mentally damaged, some time later he is reluctantly recruited by the X-Men.

Wife-beaters and excessive drinking are not for everyone but if you’re over the quiet quaintness of boys your age and you’re seeking that father figure who is the furthest thing from fatherly Wolverine is where it’s at. Eternally angry about something (you would be too if your body was pumped full of titanium and your memory was wiped clean) you’d probably be drawn in by his giant motorbike and permanent scowl.

You’d meet at a bar you have no business being in, some greasy perve would try to feel you up and when you say no he’d raise his hand, along comes Wolverine. Afterwards, he’d check you over, ask if you’re OK, give you a shot to calm your nerves and BAM! You’re totally smitten. He has no interest in you, but you don’t care, he’s older and mysterious and he saved your face. You spend the rest of the night following him around like a puppy, hoping he’ll take you on a ride on the back of his bike, smelling the mixture of leather, sweat and beer coming from his jacket. Basically obsessing over a man who doesn’t want you (sound familiar??). I’m sorry to tell you, Wolverine has no interest in a 20 year old, he needs a sassy woman who can hold her own, but you go ahead, hold on to that older man fantasy, just don’t expect this hero to help you fulfill it.

Whoever you find yourself more attracted to, both these romances will be short-lived, while Spider-man is more likely to actually touch you, Wolverine is appealing because, well, he won’t (you know how much you love a challenge). It doesn’t matter who you choose, Spider-man would become the boy you once loved and you’d get bored of chasing Wolverine.

Personally, I’d probably pick Spidey, I feel like once he adjusts to the idea of having a girlfriend he’d be quite funny and I don’t mind someone buying me sweet treats. Whereas, Wolverine and I would clash regularly, what would happen when my period is due and I get moody?? Would we just sit in bed in silence, both scowling at the ceiling? No, thank you!

Next time, we welcome Deadpool and Superman to the mix.

S x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Advice, Blogging, Dating, Relationships, Uncategorized

5 Things Women Need in A Relationship

There is a massive misconception that a woman needs a man to function, not so long ago, you would have been a social pariah if you were 25 and single without 2.5 children. The beauty of being a millennial in a 21st century relationship is that you don’t need someone to complete you, you are whole human being all on your own, rather, you want someone to share your life with. It is often said that women are really complicated, we don’t know what we want, we’re moody and dramatic, add our periods to the mix and we’re just a hot mess apparently. With this in mind, I would urge any man in a relationship today to use the following five points as their very own miniature handbook to understanding what a woman wants in a relationship.

  1. Stimulation – Rather than jump straight to the physical acts that would stimulate your girlfriend, think back to the last time you were up all night talking about what the world would look like if it was run by toddlers or whether Tupac is really dead. Do you make her think outside her neat little box? Do you make her question the world and everything in it? There is nothing sexier than a man that challenges you mentally, that doesn’t mean you have to be a genius; you just have to teach her something new every now and then.
  1. Time – Do you play a sport? For this scenario, let’s say you play football 90 minutes x 3 times a week = 4.5 hours, 90 minutes every Saturday afternoon + setup time = 2.5 hours, Total = 7 hours a week. That’s 7 hours a week pursuing your hobby, if you throw in practice sessions that take place midweek you’re looking at 9 hours total, not counting FIFA (don’t even get me started on FIFA). I am not a football hater; in fact, I enjoy watching it, strong athletic men, running around in shorts, what’s not to like? My point here is, if you are passionate about something, if you really love it, you make the time for it, so why is your girlfriend any different? Granted, some women may be more demanding than others, but we’re not all needy creatures, we actually like having time to ourselves, it’s just every so often, we want to see your face, we want to know that in those few minutes that we are talking to you we have your undivided attention.
  1. Listen – Women talk. A. Lot. Usually, we call our friends to overanalyse anything and everything in life, but sometimes we want to talk to you. We don’t expect you to have the answers, we don’t expect you to fix everything, we just want you hear what we have to say. Turn off the TV, sit in front of her and listen. Let her cry, make her laugh, make her a cup of tea and give her cuddle. It’s really that simple.
  1. Honesty – This point applies to both men and women. You want to know that you can trust your partner and the only way to achieve that is to be honest. Whether we are asking for an opinion on our outfit or we want you to agree that we were right in an argument we had with our friend, you need to tell us the truth. If you don’t, we will walk around in skirts that are way too short or totally unflattering for our body shape, being total dickheads to everyone we love. If you can be honest about the little things it will be easier to be open about the big things.
  1. Engagement – Stop panicking, this has nothing to do with marriage or really expensive diamond rings. A girl can smell disinterest from a mile off, if we notice that you’re not paying as much attention to the relationship we feel like we’re losing you and we will do one of two things; go into psycho-girl-overdrive or walk away. The age-old “wanting what we can’t have” feeling kicks in and your girlfriend may become needy and obsess over the change in pace, she may question what future you have and it will feel like she is pestering you for more time, more effort, more everything. On the other side, there are some women, often referred to as stubborn; when they feel like you are no longer “present” they retreat. They know what you are capable of, they wouldn’t be with you otherwise, they expect more from you but they shouldn’t have to nag or beg for that attention and affection. You could avoid this altogether if you show a genuine interest in the relationship, if that sounds like work to you then why are you even with her?

I wouldn’t say this is a one – size fits all method, every woman is different and seeks different forms of validation in a relationship. Spooning, compliments, joint interests, intense physical connection, these are just a few of the prerequisites I was given when writing this post, some of these points are more important than others, but depends on who you are talking to.

If all else fails, ask her what she wants from your relationship.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Break ups, Relationships, Uncategorized

Real Talk: I’m still not over it

 

Days/weeks/months have passed and whether you’re rocking yourself backwards and forwards staring at the wall or you’ve thrown yourself into a flurry of activity, that dull ache in the pit of your stomach won’t seem to shift. Your friends say move on, get over it, your dog is sick of you moping and your bedsheets are stiff from the salty starchiness of your tears. “If I could switch my feelings off and forget about her don’t you think I would??!” you want to scream, instead you give a  defeated nod and you feel like no one gets it, no one understands that you can’t cope, you can’t breathe, you can’t function without her. So what do you do? Do you tell her? Do you write out every word that gets stuck in your throat when you are around her, seal it with your tears and post it to her? Do you beg her? Or do you erase her entirely? All photos, messages, tangible memories, burnt, tossed, totally obliterated from your life?

Sadly, there is no right answer; there is no “one-size fits all” theory. Hearing that you need to get over it doesn’t help, it’s not what you want to hear, you want people to tell you that she misses you and she wants you back. What if she does? What if she’s made a mistake? Should you do something? Say something? No matter how stubborn she is, if she loves you and still feels it, whether you are moping or have moved on, she will let you know, so no, don’t do any of the above. What you need to do is ask yourself, why did she end it?

  1.     If you cheated/lied repeatedly/hit her/spoke to her abusively and she has found it in her to walk away, chances are, she’s never coming back and if you displayed any of those behaviours frequently, frankly, I hope she never does.
  1.      If she walked away to focus on herself, be it to progress in her career/deal with mental/physical health issues, she needs that space, however, why did she feel that you couldn’t help her? Were you not supportive enough? Did you have your own issues that you needed to address? Maybe you were not the right person to help her, as painful as that may be, it’s not necessarily a reflection on you as a person.
  1.    The saddest and hardest possibility is that she just fell out of love with you. Nothing and no one can lessen that blow, not even her. Think back to a time when someone wanted you with every fibre of their being and you just didn’t feel the same, you weren’t being nasty or malicious, you just didn’t want them in the same way. Would you rather she held on to you and kept you around until she met someone else?

If 1 applies to you, let it go. Number 2 doesn’t mean that you should learn the dance moves to Justin Bieber’s Sorry and deliver a surprise performance at her workplace. Rather, take that time to do exactly what she is doing, focus on yourself, learn what it’s like to be without her. Maybe you will see a picture of her one day and feel nothing, maybe you will meet someone who makes you feel a million times better than she ever did and in that moment, you might thank her. As for number 3, no amount of tears, reasoning or grand gesture can make someone feel something that isn’t there, if she is no longer in that place, let her go.

Your friends and family are telling you to get over it, not because they are bored of hearing about how you’re feeling but because they see how much you are hurting and as far as they are concerned, anyone who could make you feel like this is not worth it. If deep down, you feel that she is then only time will tell, but for now just do you.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Dating, Uncategorized

All the Single Ladies

That time of year is upon us once again, everywhere you turn there are hearts and flowers, lip shaped chocolates and overly priced cards. Valentine’s Day. The one and only day in the year that you can express any romantic intentions to the object of your desire, I could delve into the reasons why I am not a fan of this day, I could point out that the origin has little to do with romance, I could go on about how it is a waste of money… But I won’t.

Valentines day may be a day for the lovers but that doesn’t mean the single people out there do not exist and cannot enjoy themselves also. 

  1. Buy yourself some sexy undies – Who says that a guy has to be the one to buy you something hot? If you’ve already got a little collection wear something from it! Don’t let it sit in your underwear drawer rotting while you don your Bridget Jones blanket, if you feel sexy you will ooze confidence, and there is nothing hotter than a confident woman.
  2. Run yourself a bubble bath – For some it’s a bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine, for others its day at the salon getting your hair and nails done, whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed do it. And no, you can’t go and egg the house of the boy that won’t call you back, that may feel like a release but it will not relax you.
  3. Give someone else a gift – There is something deeply satisfying about giving someone a gift. Think of the people you have in your life, who has been there for you? Who is down at the moment and could do with some cheering up? 
  4. Go out – Get your single friends, get dressed up and go out. Valentines day falls on Sunday this year so go out the night before and spend the next day hung over and in your PJ’s with your friends re-hashing what happened the night before. Who knows, you might find someone special while you’re out and about.
  5. Gift yourself – Have you wanted a new pair of shoes? Maybe you’ve been eyeing a really expensive perfume lately, go get it. Treat yourself because you can and you don’t need someone else to do it for you.

Remember, it is just another day in the year but if you feel like you can’t treat it as such focus your energy elsewhere, whether that is on someone else or making yourself feel good. If all else fails do like Beyonce and dance around the room in a leotard to empowering songs about rocking your own shit.

singleladies

S x

 

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Blogging, Real Talk

IMG_235969416412831 “Seeing others move on with their lives is hard when you feel like you’re stuck in the quicksand of yours” – Helen, Being Mary Jane, BET.

Never compare yourself to those around you, just because people are Insta-famous and have thousands of followers it doesn’t mean that they are happy with what they have or, in a lot of cases, claim to have.

Be proud of your friends and family for their achievements and use it as encouragement for your own.

– S x

Real Talk

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