Advice, Blogging, Cheating, Dating, Life Lessons

Why Do We Fuck With Fuck Boys?

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The assumption is, by definition, a Fuck Boy will fuck you up, he will consume you and leave you with mascara stained bed sheets. The urban dictionary, one of the most reliable sources known to our generation has a plethora of definitions for “Fuck Boy”. Some go as far as describing the “usual appearance” whilst other comments are dripping with so much venom that it leads you to believe they were bitten by the f boys charm. The general consensus is they are manipulative and stop at nothing to get what they want, be it s, money or just your dignity.

Key traits:

– Speaking to multiple girls, but promising it’s only you

– Acts like they want to be in a relationship but there are no efforts to do anything other than Netflix and chill

– Disappears for ages then pops up again with a “hey stranger” message and acts like everything is normal

– Thinks he can get any girl but can’t

– Thinks he’s a road man but is a side dish (doesn’t have his license and is always in the passenger side of your car or his friends)

– Relies on his mother (this is totally different to a momma’s boy)

– Thinks selling trainers is cool ( or selling any item from the comfort of his parents house)

So why, why do we do it? With all the joke meme’s and horror stories on social media, why do we play their games, knowing that we will lose?

  1. They spit a good game – This breed of man is able to charm his way into your bed, head and heart. Before you’ve even had a chance to cyber stalk and vet him properly he’ll have you thinking he’s the one, filling your head with deep and meaningful one liners that you are almost certain came from a Drake song. There may be a moment where you doubt the charm and charisma but it doesn’t last for long, they love a challenge, especially if they think they can win, which they always do.
  2. We see their potential – He got you on a date, right? He got you into bed didn’t he? You’re still seeing him a month later aren’t you? He must have done/be doing something right to get you stick around; sure it’s the bare minimum but you. Are. Still. Here. Whatever little he is doing it makes you believe that he has the potential to be more, which leads me on to the next point…
  3. We think we can change them – For some reason that we do not understand ourselves, we think that we can change a man’s bad habits, notice I didn’t say change the man? That is a common misconception; we do not want to change the person that we fell for in the first place. When it comes to a Fuck Boy, we think we see something that no one else does, we think that the sweet nothings and the small acts of love are genuine and meant solely for us. So we take these moments and we build them up in our heads and we tell ourselves that he will change his Fuck Boy ways for me, for us. Whether it is the fact that he hasn’t got a job, or he spends too much time drinking/smoking weed you think you can help him better himself.
  4. Everyone has one – Remember when you went to school and 5 kids had a Tamagotchi on Monday morning, by Friday afternoon the whole class had one and you felt like you missed the memo? That is how it is with Fuck Boys, chances are (and this depends on your age) you have already had one, if not two Fuck Boys, enter and leave your life, they were just known as something else e.g. waste man, lazy. This point is as important as the others, if not more. Every woman should have at least one Fuck Boy in her life, not for shits and giggles but because they can actually teach you something about yourself. I have learnt to trust my gut, I’d like to think I can now smell a fuck boy from a mile away, but if they ever get close enough, I now know to decipher their insincere psychobabble. And in the worst case scenario, they get what they want and leave you feeling wounded but now you know, now you won’t be fooled by the over intense charm and lack of actual emotion.
  5. They are everywhere – Seriously, everywhere. One of the prerequisites for being a Fuck Boy is a reliance on one’s mother, for food, money and general ego boosts. Well, it saddens me to say this, but there is a super breed of Fuck Boy, he is stealthier and far more likely to thrive, I call him the Fuck Man or Fuck Boy 2.0. Charming, driven, successful, interesting and exciting, all of these characteristics will strategically throw you off his Fuck Man stench. It will do you well to remember “behind every great man is a great woman”, if he is not being supported by his mother/family he almost certainly has a rich wife/girlfriend (or both) funding his image. So tell me, with a spectrum ranging from boys who are still rolling around in their best friends drive to men who pull up in Range Rovers (that probably don’t belong to them), what chance do we have?
  6. You don’t think you deserve better – On some level, you don’t think you can or should be treated better than this. Maybe you don’t think you’re hot enough or you don’t think that anyone will care for you the way Fuck Boy number 3 does and you’re right, no one will care for you like him. Someone out there is capable of giving you so much more. Why settle for late night booty calls and dates that consist only of Netflix and chill? Why degrade yourself to sneaking in and out of his bedroom window so his mum can’t see you coming in, just because 7 months in he’s not ready for you to meet the family?

These men/boys are comfortable; by doing the little that they do they are able to have regular sex without the emotional attachments. In all honesty, I can’t even be mad about it, we allow ourselves to settle and lower our standards. I say cut them off, stop making it so easy for them, at first they will move on to the next easy target but eventually, if we remove ourselves from their twisted food chain they will have to evolve. One can only hope their FB ways will die out.

S x

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Advice, Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter Life Crisis – Part Deux

6. It’s OK to not be OK – We all suffer with some form of anxiety. It can be triggered by a multitude of things but the result is the same, we find ourselves struggling to cope with an overwhelming wave of negative emotions. Whilst I am a firm believer in soldiering on I am also an advocate of accepting how you feel and if needs be, wallowing in it. You can never predict the outcome of any given situation and you cannot guarantee that you will walk away feeling completely whole, but the sooner you realize and accept that you are not OK the sooner you can figure out how to address it.

7. Throw away your list – I never had a list. I never had a time frame or a plan, I just kind of drifted into adulthood, kicking and screaming the whole way might I add. But at 25, watching my best friend plan her fairy tale wedding, I had an existential crisis, was I meant to be planning my wedding?? Why had I not figured out where my life is going? When am I going to have kids?? Will Kim Kardashian EVER come clean about her butt?! All life altering questions that I had never given real consideration to began to plague me. Rather than get a checklist going I did the total opposite, I looked at where my peers where in their lives and I asked myself, “Is that what I want right now?”. And sure enough, the answer was no. Don’t get me wrong, one day I want a wedding, chubby little babies and the handsome man that goes with it all, but for now I want to be happy with just me.

Gotta Love a Bit of Josh Hartnett...

Gotta Love a Bit of Josh Hartnett…

8. Go with your gut – This is pretty self explanatory, but over time, as you make your own decisions (mistakes) you quickly learn what does and doesn’t work for you. So when you find yourself in a situation that feels wrong, in theory, you know when to steer clear of it. In theory… 

9. Stand out from the crowd – The way you dress and present yourself is not the only way to establish your individuality.  As a young teen the stronger voices within your friendship group are the ones that are heard, and they are the ones that decide where you go, who you sit with and what you do. Your thoughts are unique and your opinion is YOURS. Standing your ground, sticking up for what you believe in is what makes you rare. Dare to be different but always remain true to your beliefs and values.

10. Don’t over-pluck your eyebrows – That shit does not grow back! In my awkward teen years (not that I’m any less awkward) I decided it was a good idea to thin my brows, so I plucked and shaved until I looked permanently surprised. And now, when thicker brows are all the rage I have to sit through my friends saying ” I told you so” and trying to find the right shade in a brow pencil. As much as my facial faux pas is stressing me out that is not the point of this lesson, we play with our appearance, waxing, tinting, plumping every part of our bodies (men do it too) but we pay little attention to the aftereffects of these actions. Everyone’s lips might not explode in the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge, which by the way, can lead to scarring, bruising and possibly even lip indentations but the cringe worthy pics of you looking like a duck with 5 botched lip surgeries will last for eternity, or at least until your mum decides to show them to every boyfriend you ever have.

S x

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Advice, Life Lessons

Quarter Life Crisis??

Being in the middle of something that feels difficult or overwhelming can make you question yourself and the choices you have made. But once you’re on the other side ask yourself

“was that an actual crisis or was it just par for the course?”

I have asked a few people to share what they have learnt  in their 20’s, this is the first segment in the series, every few weeks there will be another 5 lessons so please feel free to submit your own thoughts or questions and I will be happy to add them to a future post.

1. Alcohol is not your friend (it’s definitely not mine) – I love a well made cocktail, wine makes me crazy and shots make me dance like Beyonce (at least that’s what I think at the time). I am untouchable, sassy and I think I can take anyone, so surely alcohol is my BFF right? Hell. No. I don’t know what happened, but as soon as I hit 25 and, I don’t know 3 months? That was it, I suddenly started having the worst hangovers. I didn’t even get a warning, it was a full on, death. And the worst part? No one sympathizes with you!! My mother? My sisters? My boyfriend??? They all say “this is self inflicted”, but it’s really not! I can’t help it if my friends keep giving me drinks! Saying no is so hard! Lesson – Drink lots of water in between your drinks and eat before you party. If you want to get drunk that’s on you but to avoid feeling like your never gonna be OK again line your stomach and hydrate! And maybe trade your family and partner in for a nicer bunch…

2. Not everyone will like you – You could be the friendliest person in the world with the best intentions, but you can’t win everyone over and that’s OK. I’d like to think I’m quite nice to anyone that I meet, but as I’ve gotten older I have recognized a slight look of indifference when speaking to someone, me being me I question what it is that I’ve done, how have I offended them? I used to spend so much time fretting about why someone didn’t like me, especially if they hadn’t got to know me and vice versa but now I really don’t care. Lesson – If someone has decided they don’t like you you cannot change their mind, and why should you? As long as you have people that care about you and you stay away from those that don’t there will be minimal drama.

3. You can’t be Friends With Benefits and not catch feelings – (I feel like this is a whole post to itself… But I’ll keep this short). For now I speak solely for women, we are not programmed to be physically intimate with someone without the emotional attachments that are naturally formed during sex. No matter how many rules are put in place you cannot control your feelings, and if you really think about it, do you want to? You’ve agreed to this arrangement because you enjoy this persons physique and (maybe even) their personality, so why go through the rigmarole of lying to yourself? It’s like the total opposite of having your cake and eating it, sure lick the icing, hell you can sniff it but don’t you dare go falling head over heels for it! That. Is. Against. The. Rules!!!! You tell someone they can’t have something they are gonna want it even more. I genuinely want to know what the guys out there feel about the FWB arrangement…? Lesson – As there is so much more that can be said on this topic I’ll leave you to ponder on this… For now.

4. You won’t die from heartache

This was so hard to get your head around, it still is. A break up. Will. Not. Kill. You. Yes, it may crush you and yes you may feel like you don’t want to eat, shower, see the light of day ever again. But one day you will get up and that person will not be the first thing on your mind. By the time you are in your mid 20’s you have work, family and friends to occupy you, the emotional trauma of a heartbreak will be devastating in that moment and for a while after, but it is not eternal. Lesson – Surround yourself with people and activities that will keep you busy, but only after you have really given yourself time to mourn the relationship.

5. Trim the fat – Work, school, friends of friends, there are so many ways in which we meet people, or rather collect them, look at your Facebook friend list for example, that is a pretty good indication of who you have met in the last 10 years. Now how many of those people do you actively talk to? At some point you stop trying to accumulate people and you start to invest in the people that are there through the good and bad, as cliched as it sounds. Lesson – Recognizing who means the most to you and nurturing those relationships will lead to a simpler, fuller and happier life.

Remember you can get involved by submitting your own experiences.

To be continued…

S x

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