Blogging, Dating, Social Media, Tinder

Tinder Diary – Day 3

I’ve got my first Tinder message! It’s from Marc… “Hey how are you?” polite and friendly so far. “I have to say I think you are gorgeous” eeek! He thinks I’m gorgeous! “I’m gonna be upfront and honest” this is intriguing… “I’m only in town for a few days day, fancy some fun whilst I’m here?” Ugghhh! AS. IF!!! I spiral through a wave of emotions, excitement, shock, disappointment and devastation. He’s a catfish, he has to be. How can someone so gorgeous be 3 miles away from me and I’ve never seen or even heard of him? Obviously I didn’t respond, but I took a screen shot of the message, as well as his topless photo’s and sent them to my friends. 

I’ve been Tindering for about 3 and half days now and I’m bored already, this is not a good sign. Although Marc provided a burst of excitement I feel like he has set a rather sordid precedent. I’ve got a few more matches, but I say no about 93% of the time so I’m being really picky, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

Whilst shuffling through the unlimited potential suitors I keep seeing lists of people that we have in common, at first I don’t pay any attention to it but then I see an old friends brother and his best friend, now, I know that they are both in very happy relationships, or so I thought. What are they doing on here?? It’s not my place to tell anyone but I’m really confused, until I see someone that I KNOW would never be on Tinder, then it clicks, these are just mutual friends! Not people who are using the app! Phew! That could have been awkward.

Swiping again and I see a familiar face, most of the people I have come across that I recognize are from school so I know how I know them, but I don’t remember this guy, so I send a screenshot to Zak and ask if she knows who he is. She responds almost immediately, “chick, that’s Zoe’s* husband”… I literally just saw pictures of them with their newborn baby all over Facebook, and she is constantly posting about how happy her little family is, I guess nothing is ever what it seems. I do remember Sehrish telling me that Zoe had met her husband when he was with someone else, and he left his ex for her, I couldn’t tell if this was a case of “once a cheater always a cheater” or someone trying to play a mean game by stealing his pictures and creating a Tinder profile, either way it’s pretty messed up.

I’m beginning to see a pattern… There is a plethora of pictures of men posing either;

  1. In the gym with their tops off
  2. With their arm draped around a large wild cat 
  3. Skiing/hiking

If I come across any of the above I’m saying no because a heavily sedated wild animal is just not hot in any way shape or form, unless you’re a vet about to save it’s life. Topless gym pics are a warning sign for slightly excessive narcissism and I can’t be dealing with someone who is prettier than me, every time you look at me I’ll just feel like you’re trying to see your reflection in my glasses. And skiing and/or hiking is a no because I am so incredibly accident prone I’ll be a massive hindrance and you’ll probably have to carry me half way, so technically I’m thinking of you. To each her own, I may not like the above pictures but a lot of girls do, so pose away guys, pose away.

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And finally, fake profiles. You can imagine my surprise when I came across Xabi Alonso, player for FC Bayern Munich, only his name was James, aged 30 and he was about 6 miles away. Had I not been subjected to countless football games in my previous relationship I would have no idea who this was, probably say yes and be overjoyed if we matched. (Xabi is in my top 3 football player crushes, after Beckham and Pique of course). If someone has no mutual friends, no Instagram account and their pictures look a little too perfect chances are they’re not real.

So far I’m not loving it guys, it feels very shallow, judging someone by their pictures and hoping that they like mine… I need actual interaction but it’s early days so I’m not giving up just yet, maybe I should speak to some other Tinder users, see if they have had any success.

The next post will be about what you guys think about Tinder, give me a shout and let me know how you feel on @88Shaunna Twitter

S x

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Blogging, Dating, Relationships, Tinder

Tinder Diary – Day 2

I’m finally allowed to swipe unsupervised as long as I promise to wait a second before saying no, but somehow my Tinder antics have caught the attention of my 16 year old sister…

This genuinely feels like a game… Left, left,left left… Wait! tap… Hmm… Left. Left… Tap… Aww his bio made me chuckle, and he’s tall, and he has good hair, nice eyes, good fashion sense. Right! Left, left and so on. The whole time I’m playing my sister is either berating me for going too fast or yelling “wait! what about him??”, after a while I take a break and watch this weeks Made In Chelsea.

Its pretty late and it seems like Shamica is asleep, she hasn’t said anything for about an hour and she didn’t watch MIC with me so I start swiping again. The first few are straight no’s, but then… Oh. My. Gosh! Just as I am about to take a screen shot of the absolute hottie on my screen Shamica shouts “YES!! say yes!!”, she nearly gives me a heart attack, which could easily have resulted in an accidental no! I get over the shock, send the screen shot to my group chat and swipe right. Instantly my first match message pops up!! I am stunned, mouth agape I show the screen to Shamica who begins to squeal like a micro pig, tiny, sharp, high pitched squeaks. Once I have accepted that Marc was interested I do what any dignified 27 year old would do, I jump up and down on the bed, stop to send a screen shot of the match message and go right back to jumping.

Now what?? Shamica’s telling me to ask him if I can have his beautiful babies, Zakia is saying don’t say anything, let him open the convo and Kimberly is saying talk to him, now! Who do I listen to?? What do I do?? I’m definitely striking Shamica’s one liner out, I did not realise that is how 16 year olds flirt these days…

Another eventful day on Tinder, no closer to Prince Charming but it doesn’t hurt to have a bit of eye candy.

Keep an eye out to find out what happened with my first match…

S x

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Blogging, Dating, Relationships, Tinder

Tinder Diary- Day 1

After we had established that it would be highly inappropriate for my married best friend to download the app we snuggled up together and created my profile, which wasn’t that successful as we were swiping for about half an hour with no pictures and no bio. As neither of us really knew what we were doing we agreed to the following:

  • No swiping by my myself – It was OUR game and I could not be trusted as I swipe too fast and miss really hot people that will never come up again.
  • I am not allowed to meet anyone UNLESS we have been talking for a “good amount of time” – and the banter was on point 95% of the time – AND I am 100% sure he is who he says he is.
  • NO SWIPING ALONE – she was so adamant about it she felt the need to tell me twice.

So there we were, swiping and laughing, when suddenly my phone flashes, I had 5% battery and no one in the house had a Samsung charger. We devised an action plan, I would go home, get my charger, chuck on my PJ’s and get straight back into her bed. It sounded great in theory but in reality, the excitement of our Tinder antics had wiped me out and my phone was refusing to charge so I promised not to touch the app without her supervision and I turned my phone off.

Et voila! 10:30 a.m. approximately 12 hours after I downloaded the app, I wake up to a message from my ex, a screenshot, to be precise, of my Tinder profile. Shit! Shit! Shit! Caught in the act.

Maybe “caught” is the wrong word, I am, after all, single and free to do whatever I please. Regardless, I had fully intended to contact my ex to let him know that I was on Tinder because I didn’t want him to find out from someone else. Clearly I wasn’t quick enough!

How does it work?

  1. Much like any social media you need a profile: Name, Date of Birth and a Bio, then you add a bunch of pictures, you can also link your Instagram account.
  2. Make sure your location services are on.
  3. Set your age preference and distance.
  4. Tap on a picture to see his bio and other photos, tap again to come out of his profile.
  5. Swipe left if you’re not interested OR swipe right if you like what you see. If you want to go back and see someone you said no to YOU CAN’T, if you try do that you will end up swiping right to the next person. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  6. If someone you liked swipes right for you too you will automatically get a notification that you have a match and then you can message one another.

I’d like to point out I had to learn all of the above the hard way… You’re welcome.

Day 2 is all about my first match!

S x

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Blogging, Real Talk

IMG_235969416412831 “Seeing others move on with their lives is hard when you feel like you’re stuck in the quicksand of yours” – Helen, Being Mary Jane, BET.

Never compare yourself to those around you, just because people are Insta-famous and have thousands of followers it doesn’t mean that they are happy with what they have or, in a lot of cases, claim to have.

Be proud of your friends and family for their achievements and use it as encouragement for your own.

– S x

Real Talk

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Blogging, Cheating, Relationships

“Cheater, Cheater, Compulsive Eater” – The Other Woman’s Story

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It is often said that there are 3 sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth… Between the cheater, cheated and the other man/woman it is not fair to say one is more honest than the other. But, before we delve into the politics of cheating let’s have a look into how the “other women” felt, maybe it will answer questions that you have often wanted to ask. 

Q – How did you meet? A – At work, he was 8 years older and had a senior position. I started working with him a year after I joined the company,I had to have monthly review meetings with him so we were communicating frequently.

Q– Did you know that he was in a relationship/married? A – I knew he was married

Q – Was he happy in his relationship? A – At first it seemed like he was content in his relationship, but as I spent more time with him I learnt that there was not much left of the marriage and they were both unhappy with each other (or so he said)

Q – Who made the first move? A – We started spending more and more time together after work and had long phone conversations, it felt innocent as none of us admitted to the reason behind it all. One day he told me that he liked me, that’s when the can of worms opened and i knew I couldn’t pretend any more.

Q – Are you still with him? A – No

Q – How did it end?  A – He wanted commitment and a marriage (ironic, considering he was the married one and I was single). I wasn’t prepared for the baggage (4 kids). He tried to push me to commit to him and marry him in secret but I didn’t want to and realized he wasn’t for me. It was just a short term thing for me. I tried to keep it going and wanted things to be the way they were before (meeting for secret lunches, long phone calls) he wanted more though so I finished it. He said that if I wasn’t prepared to give him commitment he didn’t want to continue.

Q – What did you do together (what kind of dates?) A – Lunch dates, cinema trips, Dinner dates, sight seeing in Europe (he took me away for the weekend)

Q – Did you love him? A – I thought I loved him at the time.

Q – Would you be with him if he was single? A – Not now, no.

Q – Do you still speak? A – Only when I have to, he owes me £1.5

It’s safe to say that situation didn’t end well… Regardless of how “unhappy” he was in his marriage “it was just a short term thing” seems a cold and detached way to describe an affair with a married father of four. Had I not known this person I would assume that she couldn’t care less about what she had done, but the reality of it is she cried and agonized over her situation for a long time, it’s easy to point fingers and make judgments but you never know where life will take you or what you might end up doing.

The below experience is very similar, it is no better or worse that the previous interview it just provides a different perspective.

Q – How did you meet? A – At work,  he was in a different team but we had to work together for several projects.

Q – Did you know that he was in a relationship/married? A – Yes, one of the first things he told me was that he had a long term girlfriend.

– Was he happy in his relationship? –  Whenever he talked about his partner it was in a positive light, their relationship seemed pretty perfect, always trying new things together but able to maintain a balance that allowed them plenty of time apart to pursue their own hobbies.

Q –  How did it make you feel knowing that regardless of how happy he was in his relationship that he still wanted you? A – Cheap. No one wants to be the second choice, and that’s exactly what I was. He showered me with compliments, made me feel like I was the most attractive, captivating and funny woman in the world but somehow I always felt like the worst version of myself.

 Q – Who made the first move? – He did. He made several first moves but I didn’t want to believe that someone as happy and ‘committed’ would be making advances.

Q – What do you mean several first moves? A –  He’d take me out for lunch but we’d end up doing something random and quite sweet like dancing in a park or climbing a tree or he’d send an ambiguously flirty message then tell me outright that he wanted me. 

– Are you still with him? –  Was I ever really with him? No, is the simple answer, we are no longer involved.

– How did it end? – I told him that we couldn’t continue seeing one another, I knew he wasn’t going to end his relationship and I didn’t really want him to, at least not for my benefit, so I ended it.

– What did you do together (what kind of dates?) A – We went on long walks around secret gardens, had cozy pub dinners, went for cocktails, the cinema… Fairly normal dates.

Q – Did you love him? A – Can I skip this one? … Getting over him was incredibly painful and I never thought that it would hurt as much as it did when it ended, so on some level I guess you could say I did.

Q – Would you be with him had he been single? A – No, I can’t trust him.

Q – Do you still speak? A – We don’t speak regularly, we have no reason to but I wouldn’t malice him.

Q –  Did his partner ever find out? A – Not to my knowledge, but I do feel like she would have her suspicions…

Q – Do you feel any remorse? A – Of course! I have always said that I would never cheat, and just because I wasn’t in a relationship it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t helping someone else be unfaithful. 

Q – Thinking purely about how you felt about him, would you do it again? And why? A – No, as messed up as this will sound, he lied to me. I asked him if he had ever cheated before and he said he hadn’t but after we finished I found out that he had been having “an affair” with me and hooking up with several other people… Serves me right.

Just because he wasn’t married and children weren’t involved it doesn’t make it any less wrong. It sounds to me as is if her heart was broken, do I think she deserved it? No, but getting involved with someone who is already taken only ever ends with heartache and you can’t guarantee that it won’t be yours.

In summation, if there are three sides to every story does that apply to an affair? Who is telling “the truth”? Honestly? I think that when a man or a woman tells someone other than their partner that they love them, in that moment it is the truth, or at least they believe it to be. When the other man/woman says that this is the last time they will meet their lover in secret, they mean it, until the next time. And finally, when the cheated partner denies ever knowing or suspecting infidelity they badly want to believe their own words.

For the final installment of Cheater, Cheater Compulsive Eater we will be talking to The Cheated, if you have any questions or comments please let me know on Twitter @88Shaunna or comment below.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Cheating, Relationships

Ignorance is Remiss

“Ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise” – Thomas Gray

In his poem “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College”, Thomas Gray was referring to the wide-eyed innocence of youth and the cold harsh reality of entering adulthood, the beauty of not knowing… And so the phrase “Ignorance Is Bliss” was born, the more colloquial spin would be “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”. But does that really apply to everything? If someone dropped a load of pins on the floor but you were not there to witness it would that have any impact on you? As long as you’re wearing shoes you should be ok, right? But wouldn’t you have to know that you need to wear shoes??

What about cheating? Let me set the scene – a married couple, both with full-time jobs but a beautiful home and full life. Most weeknight’s are spent together but the occasional weekend he has to head off to another city to spend time with his friends. She doesn’t question it, she trusts him. But all of his friends are known for playing away even though they are in committed relationships, and every time she offers to join him on his trips he tells her how boring it will be for her, just boys being boys. She rarely hears from him when he’s away and when he is with her his phone is firmly locked away. This all niggles at her, but she ignores it because he is here. And then come the rumors…

“He was seen out with a large group of girls”

“He’s a good-looking guy so he’ll attract that kind of attention”

“But he had his arm around one of them”

“He’s really chatty and sometimes can be a little overly nice, that’s why I fell for him in the first place”

“I hate to be the one to tell you this but… He was kissing her”

How would you react? If that was me, I’d take a deep breath, ask if they were sure then calmly thank them for telling me. Once alone, I’d either burst into tears or call my friends and demand that they join me in plotting my revenge (I wouldn’t actually plot but there is something soothing in bad mouthing a man who has hurt you). Now you know, now you can’t plead ignorance, so what do you do?

A friend of mine once told me that she saw her cousin’s boyfriend kissing another girl, when she told her cousin and they confronted the guy he lied, she believed him over her cousin. Fast forward a few years and she found out whilst she was on holiday that he had moved away with some other girl. The saddest part? There are rumors about her current relationship and her own friends and family won’t tell her because they fear that she will not only shoot the messenger but bury her head in the sand as she has done in the past.

Choosing to overlook infidelity is your decision but the repercussions could be vast; in ignoring what is in front of you you risk being prone to STI’s, baby daddy/mamma drama, losing the respect of your friends/family or worse, your children. Tackling it head on could help you get to the bottom of why it happened in the first place making you and your partner realize how much you do/don’t want to be together.

Thomas Gray’s poem weaves a tale of naivety and light that is inevitably crushed once you are no longer sheltered by the anonymity of youth, to me this is no different to the ignorance that so many of us hide behind when we suspect the worst. If all the signs are there to make you question someone’s fidelity it is only a matter of time before you are confronted with facts… What will you do when you cannot hide from the truth?

S x

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Advice, Blogging

Hello world!

“So Much Of What You Are Is Where You have Been”

I am aware that the above quote is in reference to travelling but I think it is pertinent to this post…Shaunna

My name, in case the URL wasn’t a dead give away, is Shaunna Marie and this is YOUR blog.

To those of you who know me I want to say HELLO & THANK YOU for encouraging me to get back out there! And to all you new visitors… I bet you’re wondering what I mean by “your blog”… Well, I used to write about the experiences of my friends, with their permission of course, giving my opinion and advice. It was entertaining and sometimes funny (at least that’s what they told me) but more than anything I wanted it to be inspirational. I’m a big believer in learning from your past so why not teach each others by sharing your adventures? 

If you want to share your story or ask a question don’t hesitate to contact me using any of the social media links.

I look forward to sharing little pieces of my world with you…

S x

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