Blogging, Dating, Spider-man, Superheroes, Uncategorized, Wolverine

I Need a Hero!

Work is much more interesting when you get along with your colleagues, you share anecdotes about your weekend, exchange recipes for healthy living and debate who would be better in a relationship, Captain America or Thor. One Tuesday morning I found myself seriously struggling with this decision, my colleague and I came to the conclusion that it’s more about where you are in your life than who you fancy (both of them, I fancy both of them).

“I Need a Hero” is a series of posts dedicated to the various stages in your life, from your Uni years to the successful career-oriented woman. I will attempt to find the right superheros for each phase and present you with my idea of what a relationship with them would look like, you will be given their dating stats and a brief summary of how you’d meet. Almost like a battle of the fittest, only it has little to do with actual fitness…

*Disclaimer: I am not a superhero/Marvel/ Justice League/Avengers expert, I am merely a woman who enjoys action filled films with men in tight outfits. If my “facts” are incorrect I accept any criticism or correction. Enjoy!

Early 20’s/ Uni years: You could be in full-time education or working  a 9-5, chances are, you go out every weekend and cry about boys just as much as any 20 year old. Being away from the social stigmas created in school your idea of what is attractive may change, (drastically) you may even find yourself on either end of a very strange spectrum: Geeky Boy Vs Dad Complex. Hear me out, going out with what was considered a “geek” was frowned upon in school and sadly you may have cared too much what other people thought, same can be said about dating someone considerably older. Now, in the judgement free period of your 20’s you can do what you like with who you like.

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Who even writes a report in this position??

Based on the above information, I felt that Spider-man and Wolverine were the best contenders.

Spider-man 

Real name: Peter Parker

Height: 5 ft 10

Weight: 11 st 7

Age: for the purpose of this post 21

Build: slim/athletic (think gymnast).

Typical attire: slim jeans, a graphic tee with an open checked shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, a pair of converse and a pair of glasses.

Powers: superhuman strength and reflexes, able to lift more than 12 tonnes, all of his senses are incredibly heightened, makes his own super strong webs.

Day job: Photographer.

Temperament: mild-mannered, sweet, can be playful when he is comfortable with you, but if you’re going by the films he’s far cheekier when he’s not played by Toby McGuire.

Intelligence: academically gifted.

Backstory: Orphaned at a young age Peter Parker was raised by his elderly aunt and uncle, he was clumsy and the epitome of geek. His bad eyesight and shyness meant he was considered the bottom of the high school food chain. On a school trip one day he was bitten by a radioactive spider, hence his spider-like abilities, he soon discovered he could see and became hot overnight (because taking your glasses off automatically makes you hot?!). Being the intelligent young man he is, he didn’t shed his shy boy demeanor overnight, rather he kept his usual appearance up to mask his heroic activities.

Peter Parker aka Spider-man was the smart boy you sat next to when you were given assigned seating in science. Whether you want to admit it or not at some point you developed a crush on him, his intelligence and shyness drew you in and you scribbled his name in the back of your notebook when you thought no one was watching. You realise you fancy him so you stage a study session before a big exam, when you’re a  little high on red bull and sweets you blurt out that you like him and you share a rather cute, slightly awkward, first kiss.

All soft and sweet, Spider-man looks at you like you are the only girl in the world, he buys you milkshakes when you are sad and sends you messages riddled with emojis. He will teach you things that seem trivial to most, but looking at his excited face while he explains ionising radiation makes your heart hurt. Possibly the nicest guy you will ever meet (for at least the next three years) alas, either you will outgrow him or he will get overwhelmed with hiding who he is and what he does and you will get hurt. And when I say “hurt” I mean he has to choose between saving you and stopping a giant building from falling and killing hundreds of other people, so you die and he’s heartbroken for the rest of his life.

Wolverine

Real name: James Howlett AKA Logan

Height:5 ft 3 – According to the comic, but Hugh Jackman is 6 ft 1.

Weight: 14 st

Age: over a century old but looks like he’s in his late 30’s.

Build: stocky, yet lean and incredibly toned for a man his age.

Typical attire: bootcut jeans, heavy steel-cap boots, a white vest and a leather jacket.

Powers: natural healing powers, six retractable claws (three in each hand), enhanced agility and reflexes.

Day job: Lumberjack.

Temperament: hot tempered (don’t piss him off), a man’s man and very hard to read.

Intelligence: Over a century old… He’ll know a few things.

Backstory: Wolverine, ever the man of mystery, has several stories about his past but we’ll go with this one for now. A mutant whose abilities became present when his biological father attacked and killed Wolverine’s brother, he in turn killed his father ( I couldn’t make this up!). He went on to enlist in World Wars I and II, later, he becomes part of the CIA before being recruited by Team X, a black ops unit. He is chipped so they can control him mentally and is used for testing for several years. Eventually he breaks free and is pretty mentally damaged, some time later he is reluctantly recruited by the X-Men.

Wife-beaters and excessive drinking are not for everyone but if you’re over the quiet quaintness of boys your age and you’re seeking that father figure who is the furthest thing from fatherly Wolverine is where it’s at. Eternally angry about something (you would be too if your body was pumped full of titanium and your memory was wiped clean) you’d probably be drawn in by his giant motorbike and permanent scowl.

You’d meet at a bar you have no business being in, some greasy perve would try to feel you up and when you say no he’d raise his hand, along comes Wolverine. Afterwards, he’d check you over, ask if you’re OK, give you a shot to calm your nerves and BAM! You’re totally smitten. He has no interest in you, but you don’t care, he’s older and mysterious and he saved your face. You spend the rest of the night following him around like a puppy, hoping he’ll take you on a ride on the back of his bike, smelling the mixture of leather, sweat and beer coming from his jacket. Basically obsessing over a man who doesn’t want you (sound familiar??). I’m sorry to tell you, Wolverine has no interest in a 20 year old, he needs a sassy woman who can hold her own, but you go ahead, hold on to that older man fantasy, just don’t expect this hero to help you fulfill it.

Whoever you find yourself more attracted to, both these romances will be short-lived, while Spider-man is more likely to actually touch you, Wolverine is appealing because, well, he won’t (you know how much you love a challenge). It doesn’t matter who you choose, Spider-man would become the boy you once loved and you’d get bored of chasing Wolverine.

Personally, I’d probably pick Spidey, I feel like once he adjusts to the idea of having a girlfriend he’d be quite funny and I don’t mind someone buying me sweet treats. Whereas, Wolverine and I would clash regularly, what would happen when my period is due and I get moody?? Would we just sit in bed in silence, both scowling at the ceiling? No, thank you!

Next time, we welcome Deadpool and Superman to the mix.

S x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Advice, Blogging, Dating, Relationships, Uncategorized

5 Things Women Need in A Relationship

There is a massive misconception that a woman needs a man to function, not so long ago, you would have been a social pariah if you were 25 and single without 2.5 children. The beauty of being a millennial in a 21st century relationship is that you don’t need someone to complete you, you are whole human being all on your own, rather, you want someone to share your life with. It is often said that women are really complicated, we don’t know what we want, we’re moody and dramatic, add our periods to the mix and we’re just a hot mess apparently. With this in mind, I would urge any man in a relationship today to use the following five points as their very own miniature handbook to understanding what a woman wants in a relationship.

  1. Stimulation – Rather than jump straight to the physical acts that would stimulate your girlfriend, think back to the last time you were up all night talking about what the world would look like if it was run by toddlers or whether Tupac is really dead. Do you make her think outside her neat little box? Do you make her question the world and everything in it? There is nothing sexier than a man that challenges you mentally, that doesn’t mean you have to be a genius; you just have to teach her something new every now and then.
  1. Time – Do you play a sport? For this scenario, let’s say you play football 90 minutes x 3 times a week = 4.5 hours, 90 minutes every Saturday afternoon + setup time = 2.5 hours, Total = 7 hours a week. That’s 7 hours a week pursuing your hobby, if you throw in practice sessions that take place midweek you’re looking at 9 hours total, not counting FIFA (don’t even get me started on FIFA). I am not a football hater; in fact, I enjoy watching it, strong athletic men, running around in shorts, what’s not to like? My point here is, if you are passionate about something, if you really love it, you make the time for it, so why is your girlfriend any different? Granted, some women may be more demanding than others, but we’re not all needy creatures, we actually like having time to ourselves, it’s just every so often, we want to see your face, we want to know that in those few minutes that we are talking to you we have your undivided attention.
  1. Listen – Women talk. A. Lot. Usually, we call our friends to overanalyse anything and everything in life, but sometimes we want to talk to you. We don’t expect you to have the answers, we don’t expect you to fix everything, we just want you hear what we have to say. Turn off the TV, sit in front of her and listen. Let her cry, make her laugh, make her a cup of tea and give her cuddle. It’s really that simple.
  1. Honesty – This point applies to both men and women. You want to know that you can trust your partner and the only way to achieve that is to be honest. Whether we are asking for an opinion on our outfit or we want you to agree that we were right in an argument we had with our friend, you need to tell us the truth. If you don’t, we will walk around in skirts that are way too short or totally unflattering for our body shape, being total dickheads to everyone we love. If you can be honest about the little things it will be easier to be open about the big things.
  1. Engagement – Stop panicking, this has nothing to do with marriage or really expensive diamond rings. A girl can smell disinterest from a mile off, if we notice that you’re not paying as much attention to the relationship we feel like we’re losing you and we will do one of two things; go into psycho-girl-overdrive or walk away. The age-old “wanting what we can’t have” feeling kicks in and your girlfriend may become needy and obsess over the change in pace, she may question what future you have and it will feel like she is pestering you for more time, more effort, more everything. On the other side, there are some women, often referred to as stubborn; when they feel like you are no longer “present” they retreat. They know what you are capable of, they wouldn’t be with you otherwise, they expect more from you but they shouldn’t have to nag or beg for that attention and affection. You could avoid this altogether if you show a genuine interest in the relationship, if that sounds like work to you then why are you even with her?

I wouldn’t say this is a one – size fits all method, every woman is different and seeks different forms of validation in a relationship. Spooning, compliments, joint interests, intense physical connection, these are just a few of the prerequisites I was given when writing this post, some of these points are more important than others, but depends on who you are talking to.

If all else fails, ask her what she wants from your relationship.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Break ups, Relationships, Uncategorized

Real Talk: I’m still not over it

 

Days/weeks/months have passed and whether you’re rocking yourself backwards and forwards staring at the wall or you’ve thrown yourself into a flurry of activity, that dull ache in the pit of your stomach won’t seem to shift. Your friends say move on, get over it, your dog is sick of you moping and your bedsheets are stiff from the salty starchiness of your tears. “If I could switch my feelings off and forget about her don’t you think I would??!” you want to scream, instead you give a  defeated nod and you feel like no one gets it, no one understands that you can’t cope, you can’t breathe, you can’t function without her. So what do you do? Do you tell her? Do you write out every word that gets stuck in your throat when you are around her, seal it with your tears and post it to her? Do you beg her? Or do you erase her entirely? All photos, messages, tangible memories, burnt, tossed, totally obliterated from your life?

Sadly, there is no right answer; there is no “one-size fits all” theory. Hearing that you need to get over it doesn’t help, it’s not what you want to hear, you want people to tell you that she misses you and she wants you back. What if she does? What if she’s made a mistake? Should you do something? Say something? No matter how stubborn she is, if she loves you and still feels it, whether you are moping or have moved on, she will let you know, so no, don’t do any of the above. What you need to do is ask yourself, why did she end it?

  1.     If you cheated/lied repeatedly/hit her/spoke to her abusively and she has found it in her to walk away, chances are, she’s never coming back and if you displayed any of those behaviours frequently, frankly, I hope she never does.
  1.      If she walked away to focus on herself, be it to progress in her career/deal with mental/physical health issues, she needs that space, however, why did she feel that you couldn’t help her? Were you not supportive enough? Did you have your own issues that you needed to address? Maybe you were not the right person to help her, as painful as that may be, it’s not necessarily a reflection on you as a person.
  1.    The saddest and hardest possibility is that she just fell out of love with you. Nothing and no one can lessen that blow, not even her. Think back to a time when someone wanted you with every fibre of their being and you just didn’t feel the same, you weren’t being nasty or malicious, you just didn’t want them in the same way. Would you rather she held on to you and kept you around until she met someone else?

If 1 applies to you, let it go. Number 2 doesn’t mean that you should learn the dance moves to Justin Bieber’s Sorry and deliver a surprise performance at her workplace. Rather, take that time to do exactly what she is doing, focus on yourself, learn what it’s like to be without her. Maybe you will see a picture of her one day and feel nothing, maybe you will meet someone who makes you feel a million times better than she ever did and in that moment, you might thank her. As for number 3, no amount of tears, reasoning or grand gesture can make someone feel something that isn’t there, if she is no longer in that place, let her go.

Your friends and family are telling you to get over it, not because they are bored of hearing about how you’re feeling but because they see how much you are hurting and as far as they are concerned, anyone who could make you feel like this is not worth it. If deep down, you feel that she is then only time will tell, but for now just do you.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Dating, Uncategorized

All the Single Ladies

That time of year is upon us once again, everywhere you turn there are hearts and flowers, lip shaped chocolates and overly priced cards. Valentine’s Day. The one and only day in the year that you can express any romantic intentions to the object of your desire, I could delve into the reasons why I am not a fan of this day, I could point out that the origin has little to do with romance, I could go on about how it is a waste of money… But I won’t.

Valentines day may be a day for the lovers but that doesn’t mean the single people out there do not exist and cannot enjoy themselves also. 

  1. Buy yourself some sexy undies – Who says that a guy has to be the one to buy you something hot? If you’ve already got a little collection wear something from it! Don’t let it sit in your underwear drawer rotting while you don your Bridget Jones blanket, if you feel sexy you will ooze confidence, and there is nothing hotter than a confident woman.
  2. Run yourself a bubble bath – For some it’s a bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine, for others its day at the salon getting your hair and nails done, whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed do it. And no, you can’t go and egg the house of the boy that won’t call you back, that may feel like a release but it will not relax you.
  3. Give someone else a gift – There is something deeply satisfying about giving someone a gift. Think of the people you have in your life, who has been there for you? Who is down at the moment and could do with some cheering up? 
  4. Go out – Get your single friends, get dressed up and go out. Valentines day falls on Sunday this year so go out the night before and spend the next day hung over and in your PJ’s with your friends re-hashing what happened the night before. Who knows, you might find someone special while you’re out and about.
  5. Gift yourself – Have you wanted a new pair of shoes? Maybe you’ve been eyeing a really expensive perfume lately, go get it. Treat yourself because you can and you don’t need someone else to do it for you.

Remember, it is just another day in the year but if you feel like you can’t treat it as such focus your energy elsewhere, whether that is on someone else or making yourself feel good. If all else fails do like Beyonce and dance around the room in a leotard to empowering songs about rocking your own shit.

singleladies

S x

 

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Blogging, Dating, Relationships, Uncategorized

Ex Etiquette

Break ups are incredibly difficult for everyone involved, whether you parted on good terms or it was sour farewell, it’s over. Once you get over the initial shock of no longer being the priority in that person’s life you begin the healing process. But there is one thing that could hinder this slightly, your ex. The very person that you are trying desperately to forget could be the one thing that keeps you holding on and why? For their own sick twisted pleasure? Because they are curious to see if you would ever take them back? Whatever the reason it is unfair to you and if you are the culprit in this scenario, you’re being a douche! There are certain rules that should be followed when dealing with your previous partner, it’s not rocket science but sometimes we need a little guidance…

Contact – You have said your goodbyes, you have talked/screamed/cried about why you can’t be together anymore, nothing has changed nor will it. So cut the cord and stop talking to each other, whether it’s a funny video on FB that you think he will like or a cute story about your dog that she would laugh at you cannot talk to each other anymore. Even if you are dying inside because you miss that person so much sending needy or abusive messages will not get them back. Acceptable – I guess this depends on how things were left but maybe a birthday message, other than that leave it alone. Unacceptable – Contacting an ex when you have moved on or sending a lengthy email about how much you hate them/miss them. If you are in a new found romance why are you reaching out to your ex at all? Surely your attention should be firmly on this new person. As for the hate mail, just know that your crazy psychobabble will be shown to all of their friends…

Meet ups – Why do you need to see each other? Do you even need to see each other? What good could come of meeting up? Acceptable – if you have to give each other your old belongings then one more face to face can happen, that doesn’t mean it should though, I’m sure you have friends to help you out or there is always the post. Unacceptable – If either one of you is with someone new you do not need to see each other, unless of course your new partner knows and is secure enough in your relationship that this will not be an issue. Seeing someone that you have history with can stir up feelings of nostalgia and longing or pure hatred, if you don’t end up kissing you might go into a mad blind rage and kill someone, probably your ex, and how are you going to explain that if you’re sneaking around to meet each other?! The happy medium would be confusion, being torn between those extremes and not knowing where you stand.

Family/Friends – This is difficult, especially if you share mutual friends (think Ross and Rachel from Friends). An appropriate amount of time should pass before meeting with your ex’s family; it’s great that you felt close enough to them to keep in touch post- apocalyptic breakup but if you choose to keep in touch do so without involving your ex. Acceptable – Exchanging the odd text and/or meeting for a coffee, away from the home they share with your ex. Unacceptable – Going over your exes  house to watch Eastenders with their mum every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. How are they supposed to move on if you are always there? Don’t talk to your mutual friends about your ex, you’ll begin a vicious cycle of Chinese whispers or worse, hear something that you were not ready to.

Social Media – The thing about social media is it lets you peep into someone’s life undetected, that sounds a little stalker crazy but let’s face it, as soon as a friend tells you about the new office crush the first thing you do is cyber stalk to see if they meet the criteria (one bad photo can do a lot of damage guys). There was a time when you were the one in all of the pictures and you were the one they sent funny meme’s to, now you want to know who and what is happening in their life, so go ahead peep away. Acceptable – Have a cheeky browse when you feel like it, eventually you won’t feel the need to at all. Unacceptable –  At no point should you ever ‘like’ or comment on something, especially if you are in a relationship. All that does is make your ex aware that you are interested in what they are doing, and why are you interested?? Is your new found love not all that you thought it would be? Are you missing what you once had? Even if your ex is not thinking this your new partner probably would.

For those of you that are dealing with the Extreme ex, the girl that sends you Intsa collages of when you were happy together or the guy threatening to beat up your new boyfriend, why are you even entertaining this behaviour? Block and delete this person from your life, better yet, from your relationship. The ‘jack in the box ex’ (the kind that likes to pop up  whenever they feel like it) can cause so much drama when you are seeing someone new, receiving/reading/responding to these messages encourages them, it makes them think there is a chance to win you back or destroy whatever you have now.

Your ex is your ex for a reason, no matter how it ended your relationship was not working and neither one of you were willing to try anymore, respect each other and what you had enough to leave each other alone. It goes without saying, once you have really moved on there is no need to contact the person you once shared everything with, you have someone new to do that with.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Dating

What. Do. I. Wear??

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After weeks of messaging and phone calls we’ve finally agreed on a date! I’m currently waiting for the girls to “sign off” on my outfit choice and I have yet to decide what to do with my hair! How do I greet him? Should I tell him about the time I went back packing across Europe or is that too much, will I seem like I’m trying too hard? What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t like me??! I should definitely do a Google search, check all social media make sure I don’t have any nasty surprises, or maybe wait to see how we get on… I’m not going to tell anyone other than the girls, for now.

I can’t believe, after all this time, I’m finally going for an interview!

I bet you thought I was going to say date. Look back over that last paragraph, based on what I have said, couldn’t it be either one?

Initial application

I’ve done both recently, gone on a date and had an interview, and even though I was not flirting with my now manager the fundamentals of the preparation and execution of an interview/date are very similar. Take, for example your CV, there are various ways to go about applying for a job, from LinkedIn to a recruitment agency, 99.9% of the time they want a copy of your CV. Think of this as your online dating profile, the concept is the same, list your credentials and past experiences in a way that paints you in the best light, it’s like a dossier of tiny white lies and half-truths. Just because you helped a little old lady cross the road one time it does not mean that you volunteer at the local day centre, and saying you are 6 ft. does not make you 6 ft.

I hate it when you apply for one job online and you find your inbox overloaded with messages from agencies sending you up to 20 vacancies a day. I did a one week stint of POF (Plenty of Fish). Never. Again. 10 messages a day, 450 notifications in five days and a genuine fear that someone wanted to wear my skin, it’s safe to say that I will stick to the old fashioned way of meeting boys.

What to wear

So, you’ve got past the initial “getting to know you phase”, all involved parties like what they see and wish to meet face to face, what will you wear? If you’re anything like me, you’ll pick several outfits and send them to your friends, be prepared for comments like “that’s too bright”, “you want something that shows off your ass, I mean, personality”, “that dress is sexy but in a professional way”. Whatever they say, the rules are simple, don’t overdo it, and leave something to the imagination. We women have certain assets at our disposal, I wish I was hinting at myself but I have the chest of a 15 year old boy, saying that, I don’t believe that this is how we should “get ahead in the world”. Imagine walking out of an interview and feeling like they were staring down your top the whole time, what would you say if you were offered that job?

Dressing for a date is slightly different, you might want that person to look down your top or admire you ass-ets, but you’re still sending out a message that you’re easy/a prude, the line is not that fine girls, it’s pretty easy to find. As for guys, avoid overdoing the aftershave, it’s much hotter when we have to lean in to smell you and please please please wear clean shoes. I cannot speak for every girl in the world, in fact, I’m probably only speaking for about 10 of them right now, but your shoes say a lot about you and turning up to a date with dirty shoes or trainers that literally flop open when you’re walking say “I don’t care” and that is not necessarily a good thing.

Research

You can see where my priorities lie, outfit first, prep later. Whatever you said on your application has caught your prospective employers eye, make sure you memorise key points from your application and have examples to back them up. Easy enough right? So how much do you know about them? When did they go into business? How successful are they as a company? What are their strengths and weaknesses? They know the answer to these questions, what they want to know is how interested you are in the role and what you have to offer. On the flipside, you can’t rock up to a date and reel off the person’s date of birth, how funny you find the FB banter they have with their friends or how hot you thought they looked in that Instagram post you found when you were 57 weeks deep. I find that meeting the person and talking to them will give you a fairly good idea of what they are like, once you know that you are attracted to them take a step back and look at (look at, not MI5 analyse) their friendship group and hobbies. Are these people that you will be willing to make bonds with? Can you support them in their goals and interests? It might sound a bit intense but they will become part of your relationship also. 

Time keeping

There may be very valid reasons for why you are late to an interview; your car broke down, you missed your train, your hair wouldn’t do what you wanted it to. Most of the time you are given 2 weeks’ notice for an interview date and time, so that means you have plenty of time to make the necessary arrangements to avoid any mishaps. A lack of punctuality gives the impression that you do not value the time of your potential employer or date, it’s just plain rude! If you know that your beard needs trimming or your legs need waxing give yourself a contingency plan, add an extra 2 hours to your prep and travel time, depending on the level of hairiness of course.

Post-date/interview

After an interview it can be good practise to contact the interviewer with a short email thanking them for their time, making it clear that you feel you are the ideal person for the role and you look forward to hearing from them. It goes without saying that a date is less formal, send a text saying you had a good time, but only if you did. It may have been the best date/interview ever, you never ran out of things to say, you were bouncing off each other, it felt really positive but what if the “spark” is not there? Don’t waste their time or your own, finding the ideal mate/job is not easy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy and learn from your experiences along the way.

S x

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Advice, Blogging, Cheating, Dating, Life Lessons

Why Do We Fuck With Fuck Boys?

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The assumption is, by definition, a Fuck Boy will fuck you up, he will consume you and leave you with mascara stained bed sheets. The urban dictionary, one of the most reliable sources known to our generation has a plethora of definitions for “Fuck Boy”. Some go as far as describing the “usual appearance” whilst other comments are dripping with so much venom that it leads you to believe they were bitten by the f boys charm. The general consensus is they are manipulative and stop at nothing to get what they want, be it s, money or just your dignity.

Key traits:

– Speaking to multiple girls, but promising it’s only you

– Acts like they want to be in a relationship but there are no efforts to do anything other than Netflix and chill

– Disappears for ages then pops up again with a “hey stranger” message and acts like everything is normal

– Thinks he can get any girl but can’t

– Thinks he’s a road man but is a side dish (doesn’t have his license and is always in the passenger side of your car or his friends)

– Relies on his mother (this is totally different to a momma’s boy)

– Thinks selling trainers is cool ( or selling any item from the comfort of his parents house)

So why, why do we do it? With all the joke meme’s and horror stories on social media, why do we play their games, knowing that we will lose?

  1. They spit a good game – This breed of man is able to charm his way into your bed, head and heart. Before you’ve even had a chance to cyber stalk and vet him properly he’ll have you thinking he’s the one, filling your head with deep and meaningful one liners that you are almost certain came from a Drake song. There may be a moment where you doubt the charm and charisma but it doesn’t last for long, they love a challenge, especially if they think they can win, which they always do.
  2. We see their potential – He got you on a date, right? He got you into bed didn’t he? You’re still seeing him a month later aren’t you? He must have done/be doing something right to get you stick around; sure it’s the bare minimum but you. Are. Still. Here. Whatever little he is doing it makes you believe that he has the potential to be more, which leads me on to the next point…
  3. We think we can change them – For some reason that we do not understand ourselves, we think that we can change a man’s bad habits, notice I didn’t say change the man? That is a common misconception; we do not want to change the person that we fell for in the first place. When it comes to a Fuck Boy, we think we see something that no one else does, we think that the sweet nothings and the small acts of love are genuine and meant solely for us. So we take these moments and we build them up in our heads and we tell ourselves that he will change his Fuck Boy ways for me, for us. Whether it is the fact that he hasn’t got a job, or he spends too much time drinking/smoking weed you think you can help him better himself.
  4. Everyone has one – Remember when you went to school and 5 kids had a Tamagotchi on Monday morning, by Friday afternoon the whole class had one and you felt like you missed the memo? That is how it is with Fuck Boys, chances are (and this depends on your age) you have already had one, if not two Fuck Boys, enter and leave your life, they were just known as something else e.g. waste man, lazy. This point is as important as the others, if not more. Every woman should have at least one Fuck Boy in her life, not for shits and giggles but because they can actually teach you something about yourself. I have learnt to trust my gut, I’d like to think I can now smell a fuck boy from a mile away, but if they ever get close enough, I now know to decipher their insincere psychobabble. And in the worst case scenario, they get what they want and leave you feeling wounded but now you know, now you won’t be fooled by the over intense charm and lack of actual emotion.
  5. They are everywhere – Seriously, everywhere. One of the prerequisites for being a Fuck Boy is a reliance on one’s mother, for food, money and general ego boosts. Well, it saddens me to say this, but there is a super breed of Fuck Boy, he is stealthier and far more likely to thrive, I call him the Fuck Man or Fuck Boy 2.0. Charming, driven, successful, interesting and exciting, all of these characteristics will strategically throw you off his Fuck Man stench. It will do you well to remember “behind every great man is a great woman”, if he is not being supported by his mother/family he almost certainly has a rich wife/girlfriend (or both) funding his image. So tell me, with a spectrum ranging from boys who are still rolling around in their best friends drive to men who pull up in Range Rovers (that probably don’t belong to them), what chance do we have?
  6. You don’t think you deserve better – On some level, you don’t think you can or should be treated better than this. Maybe you don’t think you’re hot enough or you don’t think that anyone will care for you the way Fuck Boy number 3 does and you’re right, no one will care for you like him. Someone out there is capable of giving you so much more. Why settle for late night booty calls and dates that consist only of Netflix and chill? Why degrade yourself to sneaking in and out of his bedroom window so his mum can’t see you coming in, just because 7 months in he’s not ready for you to meet the family?

These men/boys are comfortable; by doing the little that they do they are able to have regular sex without the emotional attachments. In all honesty, I can’t even be mad about it, we allow ourselves to settle and lower our standards. I say cut them off, stop making it so easy for them, at first they will move on to the next easy target but eventually, if we remove ourselves from their twisted food chain they will have to evolve. One can only hope their FB ways will die out.

S x

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