Advice, Dating, Rebound, Uncategorized

Rules of a Rebound

Just to be clear, this post is in no way sports related.

Have you noticed how, as soon as you miss your ex even a little bit everyone tells you “you need to move on”? I couldn’t agree more but that phrase is usually followed by “get under to get over” and a suggestive wink. As much as I like to watch the awkward faces people make when trying to execute the perfect wink (try it) I’m not a fan of using another person as my emotional mop.

A rebound is, to put it bluntly,

“a crutch to soften the emotional blow of a breakup”. 

I personally wouldn’t go down the rebound route, I’m more of a ‘time and wine will heal all things’ kind of girl, but I’m also realistic. In light of the dating world we are a part of, and the fact that dating apps and social media literally throw beautiful people at us 24/7, I feel it is only fair that some ground rules are applied if/when you choose to pick a rebound partner. These apply to both the rebounder and the reboundee (I’m making it a word).

1. Set an expectation

  • Do make yourself clear from the beginning. Men tend to prefer a straightforward woman and women are less likely to go psycho/bunny boiler if they know where they stand. Also, you are giving that person the chance to decide whether they want to get on board or not.
  • Don’t spend too much time together. Talking all day, seeing each other every night puts you at risk of actually falling for this person, if that’s something you’re open to great! If not, put some distance between you and respect the boundaries.
  • Do keep some mystery. It’s so easy to vent to or share your personal information with the person you’re romantically involved with, avoid confusion and stick to flirting and light-hearted dates.
  • Don’t expect this to be more than it is. 

2. Choose wisely!

  • Don’t date an ex, why take 10 steps back when you want to move forward?
  • Don’t date someone YOU like, post breakup you’re a mess, you’re hurting, you’re selfish and chances are you’re not in a position to give someone else the best version of you.
  • Don’t date someone who LIKES YOU.

3. Mix it up

  • Do date outside your ‘type’, you may not have a type but at least try avoiding a carbon copy of your ex, you don’t want a Ross V Russ situation. (Yes, that was a F.R.I.E.N.D.S reference)
  • Do avoid places you went with your ex. 

4. Rules of thumb

  • Don’t introduce them to your friends, especially if this is a short-term situation.
  • Do make sure you are ready. Of course, the only way to really know is to get back out there but if you find yourself crying mid-fumble then a) you’re really not ready and b) you’ve probably emotionally scarred the other person.
  • Don’t tell everyone and their mother! Firstly, because everyone has an opinion and that could complicate a simple situation. And secondly, you don’t want to have that awkward conversation where you explain that the guy/girl you were mad about last week is no more about 20 times. Telling your cat was hard enough!

I’m not saying that these rules will stop you from getting hurt or hurting someone else, that’s part and parcel of 21st century dating, but an honest conversation and realistic expectations will go a long way.

S x

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