There is a massive misconception that a woman needs a man to function, not so long ago, you would have been a social pariah if you were 25 and single without 2.5 children. The beauty of being a millennial in a 21st century relationship is that you don’t need someone to complete you, you are whole human being all on your own, rather, you want someone to share your life with. It is often said that women are really complicated, we don’t know what we want, we’re moody and dramatic, add our periods to the mix and we’re just a hot mess apparently. With this in mind, I would urge any man in a relationship today to use the following five points as their very own miniature handbook to understanding what a woman wants in a relationship.
- Stimulation – Rather than jump straight to the physical acts that would stimulate your girlfriend, think back to the last time you were up all night talking about what the world would look like if it was run by toddlers or whether Tupac is really dead. Do you make her think outside her neat little box? Do you make her question the world and everything in it? There is nothing sexier than a man that challenges you mentally, that doesn’t mean you have to be a genius; you just have to teach her something new every now and then.
- Time – Do you play a sport? For this scenario, let’s say you play football 90 minutes x 3 times a week = 4.5 hours, 90 minutes every Saturday afternoon + setup time = 2.5 hours, Total = 7 hours a week. That’s 7 hours a week pursuing your hobby, if you throw in practice sessions that take place midweek you’re looking at 9 hours total, not counting FIFA (don’t even get me started on FIFA). I am not a football hater; in fact, I enjoy watching it, strong athletic men, running around in shorts, what’s not to like? My point here is, if you are passionate about something, if you really love it, you make the time for it, so why is your girlfriend any different? Granted, some women may be more demanding than others, but we’re not all needy creatures, we actually like having time to ourselves, it’s just every so often, we want to see your face, we want to know that in those few minutes that we are talking to you we have your undivided attention.
- Listen – Women talk. A. Lot. Usually, we call our friends to overanalyse anything and everything in life, but sometimes we want to talk to you. We don’t expect you to have the answers, we don’t expect you to fix everything, we just want you hear what we have to say. Turn off the TV, sit in front of her and listen. Let her cry, make her laugh, make her a cup of tea and give her cuddle. It’s really that simple.
- Honesty – This point applies to both men and women. You want to know that you can trust your partner and the only way to achieve that is to be honest. Whether we are asking for an opinion on our outfit or we want you to agree that we were right in an argument we had with our friend, you need to tell us the truth. If you don’t, we will walk around in skirts that are way too short or totally unflattering for our body shape, being total dickheads to everyone we love. If you can be honest about the little things it will be easier to be open about the big things.
- Engagement – Stop panicking, this has nothing to do with marriage or really expensive diamond rings. A girl can smell disinterest from a mile off, if we notice that you’re not paying as much attention to the relationship we feel like we’re losing you and we will do one of two things; go into psycho-girl-overdrive or walk away. The age-old “wanting what we can’t have” feeling kicks in and your girlfriend may become needy and obsess over the change in pace, she may question what future you have and it will feel like she is pestering you for more time, more effort, more everything. On the other side, there are some women, often referred to as stubborn; when they feel like you are no longer “present” they retreat. They know what you are capable of, they wouldn’t be with you otherwise, they expect more from you but they shouldn’t have to nag or beg for that attention and affection. You could avoid this altogether if you show a genuine interest in the relationship, if that sounds like work to you then why are you even with her?
I wouldn’t say this is a one – size fits all method, every woman is different and seeks different forms of validation in a relationship. Spooning, compliments, joint interests, intense physical connection, these are just a few of the prerequisites I was given when writing this post, some of these points are more important than others, but depends on who you are talking to.
If all else fails, ask her what she wants from your relationship.