Going through a break up has been likened to the death of a loved one; it is only when you go through the motions of mourning a relationship that you truly understand what that feels like… According to Google there are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, I can definitely relate to maybe 3 out of 5 but I found that the below model, with a few added extra’s, was much more fitting in my experience.
Dealing with a break-up as explained by Joey, Chandler and Ross – Friends.
Phase 1 -Sweat pants
Phase 2 – Strip clubs and beer
Phase 3 – Picturing yourself with other women
Phase 4 – Don’t want a relationship ever again, just sex with strippers and friends
“Sweats pants”. The first 48 hours were like something out of a Toni Braxton video, queue spontaneous tears and the inability to do anything without becoming a crumbling emotional mess. I wish I could say that I’m being dramatic, if only for my pride. Washing dishes, getting dressed making the bed, any and every activity was accompanied by giant tears and a runny nose, not my sexiest moment. Unlike Chandler, I didn’t wear the same sweat pants for a week, rather I got up showered and got back into bed, accompanied by The Notebook and proceeded to cry every 5-7 minutes. Some people think you need to dust yourself off and get on with it but I say embrace it, you will never truly get over someone if you don’t allow yourself time to mourn what you were. The sooner you go through this phase the better, especially if you don’t want everyone at work to judge you for wearing the same smelly, stained sweats for a week.
Food. This will be different for everyone, some people eat themselves into a heartbroken food coma others physically can’t keep anything down, sadly I was the latter. For days I tried to eat but my body would not allow it, it’s a good thing I have booty, eventually my body started living off of my reserved fats.
Social media. Pretty much everyone has a FB, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat (the list goes on) account, be prepared to find yourself scrolling through his/her pages up to 7 times an hour. This is what I call “self-destruction mode”, it’s almost like you want to find anything to hurt you, don’t ask me why, nothing you do or think at this point makes any sense. You need to binge and purge, scroll until your thumb falls off and if that isn’t enough switch hands, now comes the hard part… Delete him/her from any and all social media, the less you see them the less you will think of them. Do it!
“Drunk at the strip club”. I can honestly say that I don’t know anyone who goes to a strip club, it’s the 21st century and surely everyone just uses porn… Unless it’s Magic Mike I have no interest in strippers or using porn! I did however have a sudden urge to go out. For girls, a night out is more than drinking, it’s about being with your friends, getting dressed up and making yourself look and feel good, dancing because you haven’t got a care in the world and laughing at the awful chat up lines that get thrown your way. If you hit this stage you are on your way to recovering, just make sure you’ve deleted their number; it’s the best way to avoid drunk dialling.
Reminiscing. Whether you keep a diary or your friends have to sit you down and give you a play by play of the times you moaned about your relationship, you need to take a walk down memory lane. You will find that right now, right when it’s fresh, you have only good memories but why did you break up? Why wasn’t it working? Did they cheat? Did they give up on you? Were you tired of having the same argument?
“Picturing yourself with other women”. Like a lot of women I can appreciate the beauty of other ladies, my ultimate girl crush is Eva Mendes for anyone who’s interested. However, I would not say that I have imagined myself with her, at any point, ever. I would have to say that I am not quite there yet, I’m old fashioned and prefer to know someone for a while before I imagine them naked or us simultaneously naked together. Don’t rush this, sure, you need to get under someone to get over your ex but don’t force it.
“Not wanting a relationship ever again and only wanting to have sex with strippers and your friends”. It is safe to say that I will not be having sex with my friends as the guys are in relationships and the girls are girls. Not wanting a relationship ever again is a big statement; I don’t want a relationship right now…
It will take time; one day you will find that you haven’t thought about him/her for half an hour, then a whole day and eventually a week, celebrate these small victories because you will see them again, be it on social media (I did tell you to delete them) or face to face. You may even find yourself in the arms of someone else and it still won’t fill the void of that person, be prepared to feel like you have taken two giant steps back. You don’t know how long it will take to get over someone or what it will take, just do what feels right and give it time. I know it’s the biggest cliché in the world, and I wanted to punch anyone who said it but “time heals all wounds”.